Friday 9 January 2009


How long can I say, "I just lost my baby"?

I ask because it's been 81 days since we lost George and some days I feel as though it just happened but some days I feel as though it was a lifetime ago and that quite possibly an entirely different and much stronger person went through it.


  1. Time seems completely different now. We will sometimes be talking about a random event as if it happened a year ago, and realize with a shock that it was only last week. I feel like Kai has been gone for so long, and like we just lost him all at once. I think you can say whatever you want to say for as long as you want to say it. People who know your heart will understand what "just" means.

  2. Now THERE's a thoughtful thursday quesion!

    Whew- I have to chew on that.

    You might see a post very soon on BHB inspired your question!

  3. I think you say it and describe that way as long as you need to. I don't know the right answer, whatever is healing for you and Ray, George too.

  4. Danielle is right, time really is different now. I can not say "we lost our baby last year" because that seems SO long ago.

    I know it doesn't really matter what I say as long as I'm comfortable with it but, you know, it just struck me.

  5. Barbara-

    Another random thought about this. You are considered a newlywed if you've been married under a year. Everyone says it takes a year to get settled into a new apartment. And that's all relatively benign and happy stuff. 81 days worth of grief and the complete alteration of your world is the blink of an eye.

    I remember reading on Monique's blog that a healer told her that grief takes 4 seasons. I remind myself of this every time I start to wonder why I'm not feeling better than this "yet."

    Still, I stand by my first answer. As long as you need, for as long as it takes.


  6. i think back to the four seasons thing all the time. i'm not even through two. and yes, time is so different now. it has less meaning, but sometimes more meaning...

  7. ....As long as YOU want to say it. Period.

  8. I feel like I have just lost Christian all over again today and its almost been 2 years.

    I don't know the answer, and I am sorry for that. x

  9. Hi, Barbara. I've been following you on Twitter, and this is my first visit to your blog.

    I wish I had words to make things better, but I can't find them.

    I am here, though, sending you healing thoughts.



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