Another day at work. The feeling of dread began before I went to bed last night and came back to me before I got up this morning. The feeling is worse than the doing of course but I hope it goes away soon.
Boss was off today, I had the pleasure of Colleague all to myself. It's easier when one of them is off, they can't exclude me.
Colleague asked me how I was finding it. "Finding what?" I asked, was this a glimmer of compassion? "Being back at work, are you tired?" She quickly answered with a don't mention babies look on her face. "Yes, I'm tired" I said.
I was sorting through some stored bags of teddies, looking for valentines bears for a display when I came across a little blue teddy still in it's gift box. "It's a boy!" shouted it's teddy jumper. Breathe. Just. Breathe.
I got through another day. I don't want to get through another day. I want to enjoy my days.
One day I will. Soon soon soon please.
Today I feel subdued.
Is it that job or is it just getting back into "it"? I was miserable when I returned to work, but I had been hoping to leave the job (and be a SAHM). But, when I got back, I realized I was just done with that job (My boss was also being sociopathic - long story, some is on my blog, most isn't).ReplyDelete
But finding bennies when you want to be pregnant again soon is not so easy...
I set a deadline for myself to find a new job two months out... I din't find one so quit because it was unbearable - but it;s not completely w/o financial consequences...
good luck surviving and figuring out what you need/want to do
I want you to enjoy your days more than anything Barbara, you deserve that!ReplyDelete
I wish I could come in and volunteer. I would put pepper in their tea and salt in there coffee. Horrible women.
xxx Hoping you enjoy the weekend with Poppet.
Ya Chun, thank you for your comment.ReplyDelete
I wanted to leave the job anyway and my pregnancy happened at the perfect time. I had an end date in sight. I planned to take my maternity leave and then quit.
I knew it would be hard going back to any job but because I was already feeling miserable in this one I knew this would be much much worse.
I think the idea of setting a deadline is a good idea. It will again give me an end date. A moment when I know I will be free.
Yes, financially this will be difficult if I haven't found a new job but I think it might be the right way forward.
I'll talk to Ray about this and decide on a deadline.
Thank you for giving me practical advice for a way forward.
Carly, sweet Carly! I would so love you to be a volunteer and sabotage coffee and tea and talk to me in front of them about our lost babies.
Dearest Barbara, I so want you to enjoy your days and I send my best that it will be here soon.ReplyDelete
Some people are just horrid you have to wonder how they Stand to be around Themselves.
Martha is too funnyReplyDelete