Thursday 20 October 2011

Dear George

We think about you every day and we miss you dearly.

Your little body lies decaying in the damp earth in a cardboard box that I soaked with tears but you are not there, little boy, you are not there.

You are in every breath that I take, in every laugh and sigh that leaves my lips, every thought that crosses my mind, every thump of blood through my heart, every kiss and hug I give and receive. I breathe you in and out of my lungs each day. Every moment of love is filled to the brim with you.

You are everywhere I go, everywhere I have been and everywhere I will go. You are in the wind and the sea, in the rain, the earth and the clouds, in the trees, the grass and the flowers. You are in everything I touch, smell and taste. You are in the feathers that I find and take home to put in your box and in the silver I wear around my neck and wrist.

In the last three years I have cried for you, longed for you and I have shouted and stamped my feet at the universe with impotent fury on your behalf. I no more accept your death today than I did the moment we knew you had died. I will always rail at the universe for it's wrongness. It is still wrong. It still shouldn't have happened. You should be here. 

My dear little boy, you should be two years and seven months old and this day should mean nothing more than, oh it's only five days until your Granddad's birthday let's go and find a present for him. Today should be an ordinary day.

Today isn't a celebration of your birth and in this house there are no happy birthdays, cards on the mantel or presents to be unwrapped. Today is the day we go on an adventure in your name and celebrate the love that made you, keeps us together and holds us to hope.

Today we are going to catch the sunrise for you.

We wish you could share in our adventures, they would be so much more with you two singing, laughing and dropping crumbs in the back seat of our battered old car. For as long as we live we will always be sad that you are missing from your lives. We fill our life up with love as best we can but there will always be George and Little Poppet shaped gaps that can never be filled.

My dear son,
Beloved son, be love, be light, be free. Scatter you atoms around the universe, zoom along on the tails of comets, swing from stars, whoosh along the rainbows with Little Poppet and maybe think of us from time to time.

Every day I say your name out loud and every night I whisper a bedtime story to myself,

"Once upon a wonder time, through the clouds, in a parallel universe far far away on the other side of the rainbow, there lived a little boy. There lived a little boy. A little boy who lived..."

I kiss you goodnight in my mind.

I love you George.

Sunday 16 October 2011

Five good things

More good news.

21 lengths of this swimming pool. (Which is rather tattier these days than this just-built brochure shot)
25m x 21 = 525m = pleased with myself. It may only be a third of a mile but when I started a few weeks ago I could barely manage 4 lengths without gasping for air. Next week 25 lengths. Attainable goal attained = feeling good about self = good thing.

Being held really tight while I cry.

Snuggling with a kitteh and a blankie.

Autumn leaves.

Saturday 15 October 2011

Sunday 9 October 2011

Five good things

Your comments on The Great Wedding Fabric Hunt. Thank you! (Well no, of course I haven't decided yet!)

Taking Ray's mum for a cup of tea somewhere local she had never been before.

Saving a butterfly from the evil claws of a kitteh who knows no better.

Beautiful words: solipsism, turgid, diaphanous, insidious, ailurophile, fury, repose, circumlocution, ecstasis, hubris... I could go on.

Kitteh bookends keeping me warm. Or rather, two kittehs trying to get a piece of the snugly blanket action.

Please join in, what good things found you last week?

Thursday 6 October 2011

Wedding dressing

Dress inspiration.

While mooching about the internets for some wedding inspiration I came across this dress... ooooohhh gasp!... THE dress. I wanted it, I needed it, I must have it... hmm... expensive = bad. On sale = good/bad still expensive but my credit card would take it (badly). Tiny sizes only = bad bad bad! (credit card breathes sigh of relief)
After seeking high and low for another similar/secondhand dress I determined that I must make my own wedding dress. I used to make lots of clothes but not for many years now... I hope I still can.

As you can tell I'm not looking for a traditional white wedding dress; no no not me at all! What I  really I want is something cheap and cheerful that will stand up to a beach picnic and is likely to be worn again either shortened to day dress size or long top/tunic size.

I love the style of the Libelula dress, it is made of beautiful hand painted bias cut silk georgette and if you know where I can get some just like that I will love you forever and ever!

And so I began the Great Fabric Hunt, ably assisted on the other side of the pond by dear Danielle.

Please tell me honestly what you think of the patterns and these fabrics. I will probably end up with a franken-pattern made up of two or three others since I can't seem to find THE pattern either. And if you have any suggestions please let me know.

Top middle: must have sleeves. This dress would be made of any of the georgettes or non-stretch cottons.

Also for georgettes, the red one but long.

For any of the stretchy fabrics, love the drapy sashy tie, would make it long with short/cap sleeves.

Wrap type dress, also for stretchy fabrics, but long.

The Fabrics so far.

In no particular order of belikedness:

1.  100% silk georgette, rather expensive, very lovely (I have a sample), very sheer and needing lining making it a complicated dress (for me) to make and, knowing me, not likely to be ever worn again! Oh but it's sooooo pretty!

2.  100% cotton with bilateral stretch, maybe a teeny bit stiff (I have a sample, would wash softer I think - must go and do that) but oh so very pretty. I like it a lot and I could definitely shorten it for post-wedding wear.

Four lovelies found by Danielle:

3.  Silk georgette; ivory on tan but seems almost a nude colour, not what I was originally thinking of but I like it a lot and I think it would look rather elegant with darker piping around the neck/arms/sash and maybe even a bit of beading around the edges... not that I've ever attempted beading!

4.  Another silk georgette, I found this one during one of my searches too, summery and light, wide spaced pattern, again with one of the colours picked out in piping.

 5.  Beautiful linen/rayon with blossom embroidery (needing a total rethink of pattern) but a teeny bit too expensive!

6.  Japanese double gauze, lovely random print. There are other double gauze fabrics on the site which are gorgeous too and it's a lovely soft fabric to wear (especially for babies clothes :o/ ) Maybe the pattern is a bit too tiny for me.

From my ebay fabric hunt:

7.  100% cotton lawn border print on pale blue, soft thin cotton with nice drape. Love the border print but not likely to be made into a shorter wearable version.

8.  Viscose georgette, very pretty, half the price of the silk Georgette. Love the wide spaced pattern.

9.  Another georgette, pretty but I think it might be a bit too much oh-my-god-she's-wearing-the-curtains.

10.  100% cotton jersey, like Tshirt fabric, I like this a lot, very pretty, very inexpensive and one of the few along with the next one that I would definitely wear again, shortening the dress into a tunic top and possibly making another top from the rest of the skirt. I like this one more and more and more...

11.  Another 100% cotton jersey. I think I like this, not as much as the one above but I like the splashes of red, I think.

There you have it. Writing this post has been fun and has helped me narrow down my choices (so far).

Number 2 and 10 are my current favourites. Both would be suitable for beach or garden activities, both would look elegant but fun (I think!) Both would be very comfortable being stretchy. Number two would cost about £39 with postage. and Number 10 would cost about £25 with postage. If I decide to use piping then an extra £5. A bit more for cottons and machine needles specifically for jersey/stretch fabrics. All together that would make for a wedding dress costing under £50! Ideal! I also thought I might stitch on two tiny lace butterflies somewhere near my heart...

Any and all fabric or pattern suggestions gratefully received!

Sunday 2 October 2011

Five good things

Sometimes it take ages for me to sift through the week for good things and sometimes I have more than five. Sometimes I don't think I will find any, but there's always something good, however small.

A 2.7K walk (1.7 miles) to get a cup of tea and a packet of crisps. Followed by a 2.7k walk back to the car. Ouch but in a (mostly) good way.

Unseasonable sunshine.

The last tomatoes ripening in the (unseasonable) sun.

Finally getting my boobs under control after about 4 months of, often agonising, fibrocystic breast pain after ovulation until my period (boo) starts. Whoop. (Definitely Vitex and taking my bra off at every opportunity and possibly DHEA if anyone is interested). I've been walking around randomly squeezing my mostly non-painful boobs: Ray finds it most distracting.

Having something to look forward to. It's been a long time. Hey, I'm getting married!

Pleeeeease join in. What good things found you last week?


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