Thursday 17 December 2015


I suppose I should post at least once this year.

This has been a difficult year to say the least.

Since last September Ray has been ill with an, as yet undiagnosed, gastric condition. We've been through endoscopies, colonoscopies, CT scans and MRI's and they still haven't diagnosed him. We wait and wait for more and more tests and they scratch their heads and he is in almost constant pain and unable to enjoy life. Here's hoping 2016 will bring answers and relief.

In the midst of all this worry there is the beautiful light that is Felix. He is amazing and imaginative, loving and cheeky, smart and silly and very very "three and a half"!

I still long for my two not-here's and greedily I will always want all three of them in my arms and making noise and mess.

Wishing you love and light and a peaceful year.

Tuesday 28 October 2014

An adventure

I sat in the hot tub, alone for the moment, leaned back and looked up at the starry sky (the only starry sky we saw whilst away) and I sang "Golden slumbers". First to George and then to Little Poppet.

Golden slumbers kiss your eyes,
Smiles await you when you rise.
Little George,
Do not cry,
And I will sing a lullaby.

Cares you know not,
Therefore sleep,
While over you a watch I'll keep.
Little Poppet,
Do not cry,
And I will sing a lullaby.

And I cried for my babies because they are not asleep.

I have sung the same lullaby to Felix since he was born; he calls it "dordon sumbers". It felt good to sing it to my others.

We spent 4 days in a cabin surrounded by beautiful trees near Sherwood forest. It was peaceful, fun and exhausting. Felix collected "holiday leafs" and "holiday pinetones" and took them back to our "holiday house". I don't mention George to him as much as I would like to.

I don't want to visit a grave, George isn't there. I don't want to be in the house where they were made and died. I want to celebrate the love that made them. So we take that memory of love and go on an adventure in the name of George and Little P.

Who knows where we'll be next year.

Monday 20 October 2014

6 years

I can hardly believe it's been so long since I kissed my son goodbye.

We are going away for a few days to Sherwood forest.

An adventure in the woods in his memory.

I wish he was coming too.

I will always wish he was coming too.

I miss the boy George should have been.

And I always will.

Tuesday 19 August 2014

Day of Hope

August 19th Day of Hope

Remembering George and Little Poppet and all of the babies missing from their lives.

Sending love and light and peaceful thoughts to you all.


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