Friday 19 December 2008

"The hardest gone"

There are never enough remembrances of our babies are there? We light candles, make a memorial page, buy a special piece of jewellery, let go balloons, say prayers (if we have a faith), display photographs, keep souvenirs, tattoo ourselves, plant a tree, place a special ornament on our christmas tree, grow a rose, have our babies names written in the sand and write our love in our blogs. Is it because our babies made so little impact on this world (not on our world of course) that we feel we must mark out a place in the world for them, surround ourselves with their essence and say their names proudly? Do you know, despite the miserable rotten days we're all having and will continue to have, I think we're doing really well!

There's the kindest offer by Mommazen over at Cheerio road to remember our lost babies in a Jizo ceremony in her garden. Danielle told me about the mizuko or water babies and I think it's a beautiful idea. If you leave her a comment mommazen will say your baby's name in the ceremony.

Even if I feel so alone in my grief "out there" I don't feel lonely and isolated here in lostbabyland. I've found a marvelous community of care. We're all here for each other, and we'll all remember our babies together. My George is thought of all over the world and for that I'll be eternally thankful.


Today I'm cheating on the chocolate thing (again)


  1. Oh Barbara,

    What a beautiful soul she is. So kind of her.

    I think it is quite amazing how much we honour our babies. Will we ever stop?... I don't think so. A new friend of mine lost her daughter back in 1985. She still honours her sweet little girl today. I hope to be able to write names for a very long while yet, I guess I have only just started.

    Thank you for this beautiful post.

    Carly x

  2. What a lovely way to remember and honor George and all the lost babies by Mommazen.
    A mother never forgets the hole in her heart, it's been 24 years for my mom since my brother died, and 17 years since my lost baby. Heartache has no time limit.
    You and Ray are not alone, I wish for you comfort and peace.

  3. So true, Barbara. We will never forget and I guess we want the world to remember them too. Here, they are and we can say their names with love and pride. Remembering George with you always.

  4. Thank you for spreading the message. I just spoke with an elderly woman on the phone about her losses, one stillbith, one adult son to cancer. It never leaves us.

  5. Thanks B, for introducing me to such a wonderful blog.

    What rememberances do we keep? An u/s report, prescription pages, left over progesterone and other medication, memories of speaking to my babies, my mother's touch, words of future action from my doc... does all that measure up?

  6. Shilpa, whatever you choose to keep or make or want to do to remember doesn't have to measure up to anything or anyone. It's for you. For your own comfort and peace.

    "memories of speaking to my babies, my mother's touch"

    Beautiful memories right there.



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