Tuesday 23 December 2008

The crying game

Today I've been having a crying day.

I needed one.

For me and for Ray and for our George.

It started early this morning in a dream where George was born alive but no one would even try to help him and I was running around with my tiny baby in my arms begging for his life... I woke Ray up with my sobbing and he woke me out of the dream with a cuddle.

So in between cleaning the kitchen, finding the dining table underneath all the dried washing and making a big batch of Rocky road, (no, of course it all went in the fridge straight away, the very idea) I have been alternately weeping, bawling, howling, blubbering, wailing, sniveling and sobbing.

Bloody hormones.

Bloody fibroids.

I don't know if I feel better for it: better comes in small increments these days, but I had a build up of tears that needed releasing and so I gave myself permission to let the misery in and cry it out. I feel exhausted but I'm smiling a bit more this evening.

Today I've been missing my son inside my belly.

Tomorrow will be better.


  1. We all need one of those now and then. Sorry today was so hard. Tomorrow WILL be better.


  2. Please cry and smile as much as you need and heart can stand, it's sounds as this release is healing.

  3. Cry as much as you need. We all have those days, and I think sometimes we need to just go there in order to cope with the days to come. xoxo

  4. What I find most amazing about you Barbara is that you understand how effective crying is and that you NEED to do it. Your level of self-awareness surrounding your grieving is astounding.

    I know- I know - I told you all this before. But, truly I sit here and cry for you and marvel at your inner strength.

  5. Sorry you're having such a hard day and I hope tomorrow is more gentle. I agree with everyone, we do need those days.



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