Friday 13 March 2009

Social engagement

Ray's sister invited us for dinner. We haven't seen her much since George died because she's been dealing with her own grief over the death of her sometimes estranged husband who was the same age as me. She's doing ok.

She is the first person to ask for the intimate details of George's death and birth. She wanted to know if he took a breath, when I stopped feeling him move, and what the birth was like. No one, not one other person has asked us these questions before and I quite surprised myself by not crying as I answered. I think I love her. Her 5 year old daughter calls us auntie Brarb and auntie Ray, likes singing Abba songs and has no volume control (she told me when I asked). I quite like being an auntie.

It's been a day for talking about babies today. I saw my Mum this afternoon and a family friend who talked about her daughter who lost three babies after her two boys and before her daughter. I heard of the people who told her she shouldn't grieve because she had two living children. That it was her fault because she wasn't satisfied with two boys and tried for a daughter. The insensitivity and downright meanness of people never ceases to amaze me.

My Mum told me once again to be patient. Today she and my Dad saw "the most beautiful rocking crib" ... ahem, who needs to be patient?

I'm so enjoying stamping names into jewellery and I think about each of our sweet babies as I do it. I'm just waiting for my little boxes to arrive and then I can start posting!

I think I'm going to need some more silver... and some more hours in the day to keep up with your blogs!


  1. What a wonderful Auntie you are, how sweet.
    I'm so glad Ray's sister is so supportive.

  2. This post made me cry. It's not the first time one of your posts has made me cry. I am thankful your sister-in-law asked about sweet George. It touched my heart to imagine that you will think of my daughter as you stamp her name. Thank you.

  3. I have a strong vision of you stamping away today, with a big smile on your face, desite the big hole in your heart. Love you Barb.

  4. Now I love Ray's sister, too. What a gift of a day. And what a gift you are giving all of us with your jewelry.

  5. I too had a friend ( a few actually) that have surprised me with their questions. Pleasantly surprised though & I was so happy to share. The thought of you making a special necklace just for me...made with love with Clarence's name. Well quite honestly it gives me goose bumps & a warm fuzzy feeling in my tummy. I feel the same way whenever I go to Carly's Names in the sand website. It warms my heart & brings a tear to my eye. You women are amazing!

  6. Auntie Brarb is a beautiful name. There's much blending of grief with hope in your tone and I think you are where you need to be at this bearable plane of reality.

    It's good to get busy isn't it? So glad you have orders rolling in! I'm sure each will be your labour of love and how blessed for the wearer of those named silver tags.

    Wishing you many more uplifting moments and times to reminisce and hope.

    Love ya!

  7. I too had only one person ask the details. My cousin. Who I never in a million years thought would be the one. But she did, and I too answered without crying. And we talk about Logan everytime we are on the phone (which is really quite often). I have a friend who I just tell the details too because she appears to enjoy hearing. Sometimes she probes me to go further, but mostly she waits for me to tell her. It's amazing that these people are the ones we find our selves drawn too. I'm glad you were able to be asked the details, and I'm glad you were happy to share them.

  8. They are rare and special people; I'm so glad you have her (and your neice) in your life. Keep stamping!

  9. only one person has asked me the whole story too, hang on to her, she's precious!

  10. I am glad that you found emotional support from R's sister. You are one great auntie!

  11. What a wonderful auntie Ray must be.

    I am so happy that Ray's sister asked you about George! I love her too!



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