Thursday 26 March 2009

It's a conspiracy

Thank you sweet ladies for your support yesterday it was much needed and so very gratefully received.

Love to you all.

Today I went swimming with my Mum. I thought it would be nice; we'd relax, exercise a little, and spend some time together.

This was another first. I haven't been swimming since I was pregnant and I only went once because my belly under the water just felt so wrong. I was so disappointed that day because I've always loved the water and I'd imagined myself floating around in maternal bliss. Maybe it was a sign that something wasn't right? Who knows, but it felt weird and I had a bit of a bleed after swimming that day so I didn't go again.

This day the pool started out with just a few retirees, my Mum and me. Then it started to fill up with Mums and babies and by the time we left I was on the brink of... something. I stood in my little shower booth listening to mums soothing their babies as they showered them and tried not to cry and failed. My Mum didn't notice though since my eyes are always a bit puffy after wearing goggles and I don't like her to worry about my mental state so I didn't tell her.

A bit later I went for a coffee with my friend. Guess what? Yes, a happy smiling Mum with a brand new baby.


I was thinking of writing off this week as the universe seems to want me full of tears.

On the other hand, my Mum really enjoyed her swim and it was good to chat with my friend.

And Ray and I have just been to an out of town shop and bought a new car stereo for even more booming bass (Ray swapped the heavy bass bin that took up all of our boot/trunk for a much smaller one that still rattles my spleen but doesn't threaten to turn it to mush). We got some potting soil and pots and I bought a blow torch. Ahhh good old retail therapy.

So maybe I will give this week one more chance.


  1. I hope the universe sends you some kindness soon. Lots of kindness actually.

  2. Yes, it is your turn for kindness Barb.

  3. You have described me on more than one occasion and I cry too. It's all I can do to not scream "IT'S NOT FAIR!" One of the things my husband told me, after I'd ranted one afternoon about a woman pushing her infant in a stroller, was "You dont know what she went through. That could be you a year from now. Would anyone know that you've lost three children and had three miscarriages? Maybe she should have been pushing a twin stroller, but lost one. (This happened to his cousin.) You just never know..." And he's right. And while I still have my thoughts, I try to keep that in mind, too. No one would know my story if they saw me on the street and I dont know theirs. Maybe they've suffered, too.

    It doesnt make my "unfair" thoughts go away but it gives me a different perspective sometimes.

    Sending you hugs.

  4. Honey, with a week like this, it sounds like you needed a blowtorch! Sorry it's been such a rough one- hope the days ahead are sweeter.

    Love you.

  5. potting soil and a blow torch. i love it...the best kind of retail therapy soothes all the parts of the soul--the need to plant new life, and the need to melt crap. hope this friday and weekend are gentle. sending you many hugs, barb.

  6. Mums and bubs hey? You know I have gotten to thinking sometimes that the world has a conspiracy against us. Well, come on... it's not like it works in our favour by sending them to another pool, or another cafe or such, hey!
    Sorry, it's been a tough one Barb!


  7. I'm sorry your week has been so difficult. I hope you have a peaceful and wonderful weekend. Sending you much love.

    A blow torch....nice! :)

    I feel like I have to tell you that I've developed a little habit of gently holding the long tag of my necklace throughout the day. I love the way it feels in my hand. And, I don't know what power lies in your creative hands, but holding the tag brings me such peace. Have I mentioned how thankful I am??
    p.s. Everytime I look at the button for your shop, I just shake my head in disbelief. After all these years, to see my baby girl's name. Thank you.

  8. I thought I was the only woman in the world not to feel right when swimming whilst pregnant. It felt horrible, like Scarlett was going to split through my stomach. The last time I swam.... Christian was alive and well kicking in my womb. I can't believe its been over 2 years since I have gone for a swim.

    Praying your week ends on a higher note Barb.

    Love what Angie wrote!

    Carly xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  9. That's so interesting for me to read - I never had the opportunity to swim while pregnant (I take that back - we went to the lake right after my first beta and I jumped in once!), but I can imagine how it would have felt strange.

    I'm sorry for your week. Sometimes, though, I think I'm glad when everything comes on at once - maybe that means that it will all finally come to a stop and you can start over next week :)



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