Thursday 9 April 2009

I love Maria

Maria says I'm normal.
Maria says what I'm feeling is normal and healthy.
Maria says that people who tell me I should be "over it by now" are wrong.
Maria says that it will never really be "ok" ever again and that's ok.
Maria says I don't really need her sort of counselling at the moment.
Maria says that some people only come to counselling many years after stamping down their grief and the way I'm "handling it" seems healthy.
Maria says that if I feel the need for counselling she will help but she doesn't want to refer me to their "team" who generally deal with people who have long-standing issues and although I do still have those self esteem problems she doesn't think it's anything other than a manifestation of my grief.

Maria told me all the things that I already knew but needed to hear someone else say out loud. I love Maria (but I didn't tell her as we'd only just met and anyway she might think it odd).

Doctor compassion says that it's normal for one's "tackle" to be knocked about after loss (his word).
Doctor compassion says that even after 5 months hormones can "play up".
Doctor compassion says that that when my period arrives it might be a "bad one" or it might be light but it probably won't be normal.
Doctor compassion says to stock up on ibuprofen.
Doctor compassion says NO NO NO when I tell him I'm worried about menopause.
Doctor compassion wrote a sick note for another two months.
I love Doctor compassion too (but I don't tell him in case he thinks I'm going to stalk him and, tsk, certainly not in the way that I love Ray)

And all this before 9.30am.

(Ray says most emphatically that I'm not normal like all those people out there, no.)

(so much for taking a blogbreak)


  1. Thanks for writing this. Your words ring true for me as well. I love my counselor too. It is the validation that what is happening and how I'm working my grief is normal, healthy, and OK. I don't love my doctor though, she wanted me on anxiety and depression meds. "You don't have to feel this way." My response was "yes, I do." It's OK to grieve. It's normal. It's healthy. It's love.

  2. Oh, I LOVE this! What validation, in so many ways! I know these words don't "fix" everything or make it better, but hopefully they will help you feel a little lighter as you go through your day today.

  3. I heart Maria and your Dr too. And for what it's worth, they are right! Thinking of you. xxx

  4. I'm glad your appointments when well and helped you. They are right :)
    And I agree, sometimes you just need to hear someone say it out loud to you.

  5. All good news Barbara. And I'm loving Dr Compassion right now! Nice work on the sick note.

  6. Oh man- finding the right counselor is like a lifeline after loss!

    I'm so glad you did!!!

  7. I love you. (for the tiny tags)
    I love Maria. (cause she says its normal not to be normal)
    I love Dr. Compassion. (because he said "Tackle" and gave you another 2 months)
    I love Ray. (because he holds you up, and your words, hold me up!)

    I love that there are so many people out there in the "normal" world who think that us not being normal is perfectly normal.

    I say this because I'm not normal anymore...and I'm trying to embrace this new weirdo. :) Peace to you Barb, and LOTS of love.

  8. Thank you Barbara,

    Enjoy your break - We all love you :)

  9. I love Maria too for the comfort she has given you. ((((HUGS)))) to you and Ray.



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