Thursday 23 April 2009

Finding the balance (and the search for the super-fertility-non-babyloss formula)

There comes a point where you have to "move on" (argh! Stop throwing things at the monitor!) No no, not the leave your dead baby on the side of the road and wave mournfully over your shoulder one last time as you turn around and "put it behind you" and "forget" sort of moving on.

No. The trick healthy approach seems to be moving on with the sweet memory of your baby and the love he/she inspired by your side (behind you ear, in your pocket, wherever these things reside) and leaving the horror and the pain by the side of the road, not looking back too often and not waving.

If any one has figured out how to do that can they let me know?

And if anyone knows the sure-fire-guaranteed way of getting pregnant NOW (well, when my period has finished please) and staying pregnant until the screaming bit (baby screaming bit) could they let me know and we'll make a fortune together?

I'm hellishly hormonal today and super crampy. Remind me again why I wanted my period back?

Today's kitten names: Sketch (boy) and Licks (girl)


  1. I read today that moving on doesn't mean forgetting.
    Sending magic faerie dust for a healthy, happy babe.

  2. I think you will be screaming too Barbara - screaming and crying tears of joy. Joy and happiness. And we'll all be screaming in excitement with you.
    I used OPKs to pinpoint ovulation, hopefully that is something that can work for you too.
    It is sucky you have your period,but it would be more sucky if you didn't. Just keep counting those days. Hopefully this is the last one you get for a looooooooooooong time.
    Oh, and I have no idea how to leave pain and horror by the side of the road. If I figure it out, I'll be sure to let you know.

  3. like those kitty names - the right ones will stick!

    I think it's like those crazy people that go ice swimming. Just jump. That's kinda what we are doing, but with floaties, snorkel gear, four leaf clovers. None of those things will actually make it warmer or keep us from drowning.... but.

    Not to nag, but have you resolved your job issue yet? I was thinking of you today - I felt so much better when I quit my old job. Do you have health insurance if you are not working? I would quit and find a no-stress parttime for pocket money. I think resolving that situation (even tho you are on leave now) will be a big weight off your shoulders.

  4. Well, you've figured out the trick. That has to be have the battle! (Right? Right?!) Now just to figure out how to make that happen . . . I wish I could tell you. What I can say is that you seem to be doing something right, walking day by day, one foot in front of the other, and all the love in the world for your little boy always in your heart.

    P.S. I like today's names :)

  5. We move on because we have to right? What's the alternative? And I agree with Martha, moving on does not mean forgetting. And its not always easy, but again, for me, I always come back to, what's the alternative?

    Sorry you're crampy, but its a good thing right?

  6. I don't know any of it either! And it will be a very public post on littleponies when I find it out!
    From everything that I've been told, all you actually need to do to get number 2 on the way is...

    da dah...


    Oh, gee. So simple. Now, if I can only find where the "relax" and "stop thinking about it" buttons are we'll be set!

    Good luck, Barb x

  7. I wish I could figure out how to leave the pain on the side of the road, and drive very rapidly in the other direction, but I have a feeling it would find me again at the next bar celebrating.


  8. I wish I had the answers to those questions! While we are looking, can we also investigate the secret to staying stress free during a pregnancy after a loss?

  9. Ah yes, "moving on" - as if the memories of our babies weren't part of our heart. We'll just leave our hearts out with the bins, shall we!?

    No advice on the making it to a screaming, living baby yet - not so hot on that myself.

  10. Such a true post..... "moving on" without leaving our babies behind. I think you have hit something. Going on with life while remembering our babies, talking about our babies and carrying them in our hearts with a sense of peace. Seems like a long shot, but I think we have to believe we can do it.


  11. If only I knew.

    I love the image of all those sweet memories residing behind our ears or in our pockets. Makes me feel strangely cosy. I wish there was a way to completely separate all the good memories from the horrible painful aftermath.

    It's hard not to look back isn't it?

    Wishing for you . . .

  12. If I could only figure it all out. Much love to you.



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