Thursday 25 November 2010

And so.

This week has been less than easy.

We started it worrying about Ray's endoscopy, followed by relief that there was nothing found mixed with disappointment that they didn't find a simple ulcer and zap it (or whatever they do) and then worry again that he needs a colonoscopy because they know that there is something to be found. It can't be serious. It just can't. He's fine. He feels fine.

And breathe.

Our Landlord (also a friend and provider of work for Ray) still hasn't concreted the area outside our back door. It's a rubble path at the moment and the garden is full of scaffolding, sand, a concrete mixer, etc. Ray sent him a hissy text message and then he sent one back. The following day we locked ourselves out of the house and had to call him. 

The car failed it's MOT (road worthiness test) and the brake callipers need changing. We need to spend yet more money we don't have.

Life just keeps going on. Losing a baby, two babies, a whole team of babies doesn't exempt you from other crappy stuff. It should. It really really should. By rights all of we the babylost should win the lottery jackpot and suffer perfect health and a peaceful mind until the day we die, hand in hand with our love, in our sleep at 101.

They forgot that didn't they? Yoo hoo, hello? Excuse me? Can I have my babylost free pass to an easy life now please? Hello.....?

And so, we found the brake callipers for half the price we were originally quoted and my Mum is lending us the money until Ray's next job and it's not as much as it would be if Ray couldn't do it himself. When our landlord turned up with the key he cheerfully apologised for all the delays and promised that next week... and as for Ray, well we don't believe it is anything sinister because well, it's not possible.

Things are rarely quite as bad as our imagination tells us.  Of course sometimes things are very very bad, but mostly... hopefully...

And so, life goes on, even with an ache in the chest, a knot in the stomach and an inconvenient hole in the pocket.


  1. very little makes me really-properly laugh-out-loud on the internet but you have just done it.

    'They forgot that didn't they? Yoo hoo, hello? Excuse me? Can I have my babylost free pass to an easy life now please? Hello.....?'

    i want mine too. and that lottery win you mentioned.

    maybe if they can't find anything wrong with ray it's because there's just nothing serious to find and they forgot to look for the simple stuff. that's what i believe anyway.

    thanks for making me laugh barb. i needed it.

  2. A free pass would be nice, wouldn't it? Or even a 2 for 1 discount.

    They are doing construction next door to us today, so I am right there with you in the rubble (both literal and figurative.) Wish neither of us were here, but you sure are good company.

  3. Sending my best to you and Ray, hope things change to the better very, very soon.

  4. Yes, yes, yes -the babylost free pass to an easy life - I think of that often myself. Alas, life goes on. For better (?) and for worse. Boo.

    Hoping for winds of change blowing in your direction soon.

  5. Hi Barbara - sending good thoughts your way and hoping things look up soon. xo

  6. I don't have much to give you other than my love. I hope that helps, in some small, tiny way.

  7. Yeah, and have you noticed that more often than not the babylost seem to carry more of life's crap than others? That there are actually people out there who really do get everything handed to them on silver bloody platters??

    Or is that my bitter and jaded self speaking?

    Either way, you're right that often things work out easier than they seem they are going to... AFTER we have spent a huge amount of anxiety over it!

    But I wish it all easy for you, and most of all I wish Ray's results to be simple and easy and reassuring.


  8. I've been asking for my "babylost get out of life's shit" card this entire year. It's been one of the worst yet. ANd while in the muck of it all, the scares and frustrations and misery it seems life will never let up. But then, when the small ray of sunshine and peace move in, the badness does not seem nearly as awful as it was in the moment. How does that work?

    I hope life eases up on you soon. Some good news maybe?




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