Tuesday 18 November 2008

Grief part 5

Does the fact that I seem to have become engaged in the careful dissection of my personal grief process mean that I am working through it intelligently and diligently or does it mean that I am dwelling upon it unhealthily?

My theory has always been that however and whatever you are feeling at any given moment is normal and natural (unless I suppose you've been diagnosed with a mental illness). If you're grieving for whatever loss you have suffered whether it be the death of a loved one, the ending of a relationship or even the loss of your job then bad moments will happen and shouldn't be just brushed aside. Nor should you let anyone tell you how you should be feeling.

You feel how you feel.

BUT. I wonder if by writing about my grief I will be prolonging it or am I simply recognising and acknowledging it and in doing this, allowing myself to pass through it?

I'm a researcher... not by profession but by nature. I researched everything there was to know about trying to conceive and then everything about pregnancy and now I'm researching everything about stillbirth, miscarriage, babyloss and grief. It has been heartwarming and heartbreaking to find so many many women and women who have gone through and are going through what we are embarking on. The journey to peace.

Sadly we are a club with an extensive membership.

I feel ok today.


  1. Actually, it is only healthy to feel swallowed with the grief and ruminate on the losses that we have faced in life. For one, I remember this poem which declared that the true joy of success is not understood by the person who won, but rather by the person who lost. So, the next time around we will have better understanding of how precious everything is in life.

    Secondly, God is 'not' fair. And we all have our own snakes and ladders to navigate. I feel so many women around me so lucky with their fertility but I am also aware that they have their own peculiar problems.

    So grieve...because it is the only way through this and also know that you will also have to find that point from which you can decide to not feel overwhelmed by it. Don't hurry it, but let it tide over

  2. Thank you for your comment.

    I understand the normality of it and I'm learning to accept the companionship of grief and hang on to the knowledge that it will fade, albeit slowly.



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