Monday 30 November 2009

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water

Before us in the supermarket queue were an older couple stocking up on booze for Christmas. They spent over £100 on wine and spirits. Our chatty cheery checkout lady then chatted to us about writing her christmas cards with half a bottle of red wine while her baby was asleep upstairs. Had we done all our christmas shopping? Last year she gave birth prematurely the day before christmas and so they didn't get to celebrate it properly.

It's good job we still have a bit of empathy hanging around and a modicum of self control because we could have easily ruined her cheery mood.

No we don't drink because Ray's father was an alcoholic and Ray hasn't had a drink for many years and he doesn't really see the lighter side of it.* No we didn't celebrate Christmas last year either but that was because our baby died and to be honest we're not that bothered about celebrating it this year because our baby isn't here...

And yes of course, it did run through my mind that I don't know her story. She might have been a member of the "club" once or many times and of course I know of the worry and the long road through prematurity through my friends in this place. But still. You know.

On the way home a couple were trying to cross quite a dangerously busy road on a bend only a few metres away from the safe crossing with traffic lights by pushing their baby in it's pram ahead of them into the road and I almost opened the window and screamed at them for their stupidity. Don't you know how lucky you are!?

And breathe.

I think perhaps I shouldn't go out. It's not doing my stress-free attempt at calm baby-making zen-ness any good at all.

And has my mum started with the I'm-not-going-to-ask-you-what-you're-doing-for-christmas-lunch guilt trip yet? Of course not, the very idea, as if. I haven't told her yet that we are inviting ourselves over...

Aaaaaaaaaaaand breathe

*I get no kick from champagne. Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all..."
I do like a glass of ba'il.eys, or oooooh a bai.l'ey.s latte... or maybe a nice single malt whiskey, but very rarely. Alcohol was one thing I didn't need to give up when I was pregnant.


  1. people really don't appreciate what they have do they?! i'm impressed you held your tongue - i have the most compulsive need to put people in their place at the most inappropriate times.
    i love bailey's too.

  2. Big ((Hugs)), Barbara. I don't drink either, used up my quota in high school and college, damn lucky to be alive.

  3. It's true you never know one's story but I would think if she had lost she'd realize how lucky she was.

  4. Well, the holidays are always stressful times it seems - and for us KuKd gals it becomes an even more fraught with potential land mines. Man, I'm sorry you had those encounters. I think it would be sad for you to stay at home, though. It's nice to read about your reactions, because I think we've all felt similar things before.

  5. I think we all have had those "smack you in the face" moments with random strangers. It hurts & is sooo hard not to judge. I still have no idea how to handle them. They really have no idea how lucky they are. Thinking of you & sending more baby dust your way!!!

  6. Barb I can't tell you how many times I have seen women push their strollers out into traffic expecting cars to stop. It gives me heart failure everytime. People are too cavalier in their attitudes and truly don't stop to think about what they really have. Arrrgh. We don't really drink either. Shane quit when Lorelei was just over a year old and because he doesn't drink, I don't. I don't miss it. I'm to the age now where a couple of drinks give me hangovers that last a couple of days. Blech...who needs that? Sending you hugs

  7. And don't forget...breathe. xx

  8. what is it with check out people? do they have a radar of some sort? we get all sorts of comments that, I guess, seem benign enough, but to us are just like hits in the gut. I dont know...

    sending hugs...

  9. This is why I stopped talking to strangers! You and Ray are welcome to have nonChristmas with- it's Chinese food and a movie again this year. I promise to get lots of good vegetarian dishes.

  10. "Don't you know how lucky you are!?"

    How many times will we have to bite our tongues, so eager to say that, over a lifetime?

    A friend had a baby this weekend and sent an email saying "We are grateful and excited to announce...." I liked that they said 'grateful', that they realize they are lucky. So many people don't.

    Hoping this season passes quickly for you and Ray. xo

  11. Yes, breathe. The holiday season seems to give people free reign to pour themselves out to you in a checkout line. That's why I'm keeping my mouth closed.

    Wishing you baby making zen-ness

  12. Sometimes I fear it might never be safe :)

    B and I "joke" often about how we have (at least in our minds) the ultimate trump card - but we rarely if ever use it. I think it's because I wish so much that we didn't have it, and I'm sure that if I was in the other person's shoes that I would think my/their situation pretty much sucked too. Like you said - if only they realized how lucky they are.

    ((Hugs)) honey. Definitely keep breathing.



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