Wednesday 18 November 2009


Sometime around dark o'clock this morning I woke up. Snap. Wide awake. I awoke crying. I've no idea if I had a sad dream or it was triggered by those oh-so-unwanted premenstrual cramps.

I tried to keep it down but still managed to wake Ray who wrapped himself around me and kissed my neck.

"What's wrong poppet?"

"I miss our son and I want to be pregnant."

Yup, that's just about it.

I haven't had much to say lately (bloggers block?) but what more can I say at the moment when those ten words sum up everything in one dark little nutshell.

Notes to self:
Mustn't wipe nose on duvet.
Must find other thoughts to think.
Must cheer up.

Be back soon.


With some light.



  1. That's it in a nutshell, isn't it?

    Right here with you and hoping for some light.

  2. That's happened to me too, the waking up crying. I think your mind is still processing all of your thoughts, even when you sleep, so sometimes something is triggered.

    I hope you get your wish soon and are able to start trying for another baby. You will still miss George every day, but it will go a long way toward healing something in your heart.

  3. We are here when you want or need us. With love and wishing the same wishes for you, Barb. XO.

  4. i hate the nutshell, barb. right there in it with you today. i'm so sorry. much love to you. xo

  5. Aw, honey. You don't have to bring light. If you want us, we're here. We can handle the dark, honest.

    That said, I wish you light. So, so much more light than I can even put in to words. I want those 10 words for you - well, the last 5. The first 5, I'm just sorry that they're true.

    Thinking of you. And always here. ((Hugs))

  6. crossing EVERYTHING that your wish comes true, Barb. sending you a huge hug. and wishing you love and light...

  7. With you through the light and the dark, Barb. Sending much love. xo

  8. Sending you lots of light, Barb.... I really hope it reaches you soon.

  9. Uck. Dark o'clock. Such a horrible time of night.
    Much love xoxo

  10. I'm sorry you are so sad and in a dark place right now. Cry the tears you need to, maybe wipe the snot on a tissue though :)
    Sending love and (((((hugs)))))

  11. So sorry, B. I am glad Ray is there to hold you. ((Hugs))

  12. Barb,

    You are loved. We are here.

    Holly and Dani - that goes for you too.


  13. i'm in that nutshell with you. I so miss my baby girl. And I so want to be pregnant. Sending you hugs and prayers for peace.

  14. Hoping your wish comes true very soon. xx

  15. doesn't have to be light all the time. your dark side is safe here with us.
    that said.......i wish you light.

  16. Me too Barb. In a nutshell. Hugs

  17. That is a crappy nutshell, only the last part applies to me, but it still is crappy. maybe even crappy+ if there is such a thing.
    I hope soon you'll be feeling morning sickness instead of premenstrual cramps.

  18. Be back as you need to be. Whether it be sad or happy or some place inbetween. I often wake up in a sob. As though the only place I am safe enough to let it go is in the land of dreams...



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