Friday 14 May 2010


Our internets have been down then up then down then up then down....

Ray and I have spoken to more customer support people than we care to and as of right now the internet has been connected for a whole hour!

It's been like losing my Encyclopaedic library and my magazine collection and most importantly, you, my sweet support system. Of course I can live without my intenets but I really don't want to have to.


My Mum is on the mend but apparently whooping cough/pertussis can take 6 weeks to cease and desist.

My Dad stayed at a respite retirement/care home for a week while my Mum was ill which was weird and a scary portent of possible things to come.

My brother came to stay with my Mum for a week which was a great relief for me (and her).

Dr Compassion prescribed a generic on monday and I collected the pills on tuesday and I read the label on wednesday and I looked at the pills yesterday but I have yet to take one. I don't want to need them. I don't want to take them but I sort of think I should. It also sort of feels as if I might be giving up. I might be defeated. And I don't think I am yet. Am I?

I have a lot of catching up to do. I've missed you.


  1. Try to see the pills as a helper in your journey rather than defeat. I temporary lift. I have seen the positive effects of antidepressants in some people who I hold very dear to my heart and have been amazed at the difference from the before and after. And these people have been amazed too, shocked at how miserable they had been before and grateful for the change. Sometimes help is needed and there is nothing weak about accepting it.

    I'm glad to hear your mom is on the mend and that your brother could help out a bit.

    Thinking of you.

  2. Missed you too, B!

    Am glad that the health of both your parents is getting better, but it does appear that you would be having your hands full, because they would still need a lot of help. I am glad that they have you.

    Try to take care of yourself. I really have no wisdom on avoiding/not-avoiding must decide that for yourself.

    Please be good.

  3. i also know people who have been helped greatly by prozac - and i also have been avoiding it myself. i know just what you mean by not wanting to give up - but I think you will know when the time is right. and remember - it's not a permanent choice: if you try the little pills and hate them, you can go off them too.

    sorry about your folks. parent care can be so hard. thinking of you. xoxo

  4. i'm glad you've got the internet back! being without it would make me nervous.

    i've been refusing antidepressants for a good few months now, but i finally accepted that i can't get through this on willpower alone, no matter how much i want to believe i can. if i had broken my leg, and it was in plaster, and i couldn't walk unaided, i wouldn't sit still for the next six weeks and wait for it to heal. i'd use crutches to move around as best i could. to me, this is the equivalent of that. it might be different for you but i hope the analogy helps a little.

    (i don't think i'm explaining this very well. all i'm trying to say is that if you do decide to take them, don't think that that means you are a failure, or that you are defeated. it doesn't.)

    part of me thinks that it's amazing that not every single bereaved person in the world needs some medication to help them get through.

    i've been reading for a while but i don't think i've commented before. i'm so, so sorry you lost your beautiful son and that he's not there with you right now. thinking of you barbara. x

  5. Honey, take the pills. If they don't help, you can always stop. Would you even think twice about taking the pills if they'd been subscribed for a throat infection or a broken foot? This is no different. There is something medically off kilter in your body and it needs treating. You are NOT NOT NOT a failure or defeated just because you're trying a new way to help yourself feel as good and healthy as possible.

  6. You are not giving up and you are not admitting defeat. You have been through hell and sometimes we need a little help 'getting ourselves back' after such a tragedy. Frankly, I can't believe you've held out this long. 4 weeks after losing Kara, I had a breakdown and literally HAD to go on pills to save my life. Recognize that you need a little help and that it's nothing to be ashamed of. Take the pills and take care of yourself.

  7. I certainly don't think it is time to give up yet.
    I for one hope you don't.
    I am sending you extra huge packages of hope, love and luck.
    Have missed you so, Barb.

  8. Glad you're back. Support system back in check. Glad to hear your parents are feeling better.

    Try to feel it out whether you want to take those pills. After weeks of consideration I decided to not take them. The feeling that they were "good" for me, just didn't come to me. But please don't see it as a fail if you decide to take them. It's not about giving up, it's about getting help.

    Sending a bug ol' hug! xx

  9. So glad your mom is doing better and hope that the 6 weeks goes quickly...I imagine it was hard to see a glimpse of what may come with your dad. One more thing we know we have to face, but certainly wished we didn't.

    If we were not going through the IVF cycles, you better believe I would have asked for something. While I do believe God doesn't give what we can't handle (though I've really questioned that, admittedly) I fully believe that sometimes we are intended to handle it with pharmacological help. Just as someone said, a throat infection wouldn't keep you away from medicine, I don't think a heart infection that has permeated our brains should either.

    It won't ever change things, of course, but may help you to adjust to the way things have changed. That's how I looked at it after my mom died.

    And everyone's right--if you don't feel they mae a difference, there's always stopping.
    Thinking of you!

  10. The thought of losing my own precious internets makes me feel all icky. I hope your connection lasts!

    I can't say it better than B. Walking around on a broken leg is damn hard and I don't think that there is any defeat or shame in reaching for anything that might help. Equally don't feel as though you 'should' take them. Only you can make the decision as only YOU know how YOU feel. xo

  11. I hope your mom continues to get better!



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