Thursday, 3 May 2012

30 weeks

I'm trying not to let these posts become a constant repetition of "Wow! I'm ** weeks, can you believe it?!?!?!?". But it's entirely how I feel. I am constantly amazed. I look myself in the eye in the mirror and a surprised and soppy grin covers my face. I'm still pregnant. This baby is real. He moves. He shifts, wobbles my belly and kicks my bladder.

Ray says that we might as well start throwing money out of the window now just to get used to it. He says he only has 10 weeks left to play his computer games and when I point out that it's probably only 9 weeks he sighs dramatically (this is all in jest you understand). He is starting to believe more and more. So am I. Mostly. He tells me to stop poking the boy, who is going to come out tired if I'm not careful. I don't mind if he comes out tired, cross and furious as hell as long as he comes out alive. We can love the happy back into him.

George is on my mind. When Marmaduke arrives, will he look like George?

Will I smother him with all of the stored-up love squashed and bound into my battered heart? No wonder it beats so fast.

I want both of my sons. I wonder who Little Poppet was and I want all three.

I bought some cloth nappies on fleabay. Apart from the pram (which is now folded up and as hidden away as it can be), in the drawer under the bed we have; two sleeping bags, a pile of muslins, a cloth baby carrier and two swaddling sheets. I can not buy clothes however (the sleeping bags don't seem to count). Clothes are too real, too ready to be filled. Not yet. I need a few more weeks.

Since the consultant poked the moderately sore spot on my belly and told me it was an evilfibroid and not happy about being stretched, I have been having some horribly sore evilfibroid pain that has seriously limited my activities for the last week or so (psychosomatic?). I wake up without pain there (it lives in my hips overnight) and I work on my dress for a little while or we go out and do something for an hour or so and then the rest of the day I am progressively more doubled up. A bath takes it away for as long as I'm in the bath and oh my but the swimming pool was heavenly today but if I do too much (which isn't much at all) I'm wrecked and then it takes 5 minutes of lowering myself delicately into bed. Dammit I have things to do and I don't much care for the thought of being in pain on our wedding day!

But I can deal with any pain as long as he is ok.

I am lost when it comes to names. Ray isn't ready to begin choosing but there are some that I like and I'm making a list for him to trash and add to when he's ready.

But maybe some help?

When you look at us can you imagine what our new son will be called? (I'm not necessarily looking for traditional names and it doesn't have to "go" with George.) Something cool for a little hipster?!


  1. So glad for the big 3-0!!!

  2. Congrats on 30 weeks - I'm there too. I think our due dates are the same. I'm stuck for names too (a boy as well) - Norm and I just can't seem to agree on anything. We're tossing around Henry and it is what I call him most of the time, so maybe it'll stick.

  3. I think it's absolutely, positively fine to do the "Can you believe I'm ** weeks". It's so exciting for you.

    No idea on names. Emma would have been George (I love it) if she'd been a boy and the other boys' names we have considered or used are: Benjamin (Ben), Joel, Thomas, Caleb, Asher, Joseph, Nathaniel, Tobias (Toby) and Matthew. Hmm - not so hip, unless you think bearded old testament prophet is cool (which I actually do!!!)

  4. Look, you totally, totally, TOTALLY do not have to worry about the repetition! I LOVE IT!!! LOVE IT! Keep it up and know I look forward to it. Now, I see someone above has said it, and I don't know how you feel about that, but seriously, the first thought I had was, "Henry." I love that. I really like a lot of the Biblical names mentioned too (and obviously, am very, very partial to Matthew!) but am going to throw another at you. I again don't know how you feel about it, and don't want to overstep bounds, but with our last littlest one, we had NO boy names. Matthew was always Matthew, Luke was always Luke, and frankly, I never dreamed of any children past Matthew, so aNOTHER boy name was evading us. John said, "How about Trey?" It means "Third" I felt sort of bad...two brothers with strong, meaningful names and then this one would have gotten, " were third."

    But honestly, the more I think about it, the more I like it because it's SO true. It's a cool name that honors the fact that there ARE THREE babies who have lived and had heartbeats within the same womb...and though the other two aren't and won't ever be with us on this earth, their places in our family are not gone or lost. To me, Trey symbolizing third just cements that sweet little soul's place even more on your mother's heart. two cents. I have no doubt that you could continue to call this wee one Marmaduke until he was 103 and STILL, he could not be more loved or anticipated, regardless of name!!! So excited for you, friend. Truly. Just so happy for you.

  5. Yay 30 weeks!
    We felt the same way. Each week believing a bit more. Allowing ourselves to prepare a little more. I mean, eventually you HAVE to get baby supplies right? It is scary and exciting all the same time. Let yourself prepare as you feel ready.
    Our little guy came out and is fussy as can be ... but he is here and alive and we love him so much! After hours each day of soothing him, listening to his sad wailing, I'm exhausted and at the same time thankful to be so exhausted. Frustrated and yet amazed I'm actually doing this. Parenting is HARD ... espeically having spent 4 years romanticizing how it would be. Allow yourself to cry and know it's hard. I'm having a hard time not feeling guilty around this very thing, so it's easier said then done. It's ok to feel overwhelmed and tired and grumpy and frustrated at the same time as feeling thankful, amazed, grateful.
    Anyway, I'm so happy for you.

    And hopefully it's not the case for you, but if you plan to breastfeed ... that too is HARD!!! OMG that has been one huge emotional and physcial struggle for us. Good luck!
    Names ... well, here is one we thought of but did not use.

    Much love to you and Marmaduke!

  6. I too love your "wow, can you believe it posts?!?!?" It's what I want to see every week :-)

    I can remember when I started buying things for my son (second pregnancy, first live baby). In those days we couldn't find out the sex of the baby before birth, but I started buying cute little outfits in charity shops, and how I loved taking them out of the drawer and looking at them, imagining the baby in them. If you can, enjoy that part of it, it's a time you will never have again - a sort of calm before the "storm" of caring for the baby once he has arrived.

    Coincidence - as soon as I read your post I thought of the name Harry. Enjoy choosing his name, at least you can do that lying in bed!

  7. Sounds like you might have enough baby stuff! You really need so little, even though it has become so commercial. If you are up (or due to that fibroid, down) for a bit of reading, might I suggest a book on elimination communication or EC or Infant Potty Training.

    You will likely receive more clothes and blankets than the poor kid can wear.

    So, a sling, some diapers, two breasts, and that'll do! Since we did EC, we only used diaper cream once - we did use jojoba oil all over Beanie for any skin issue (from cradle cap to dry or irritated)



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