Two days after my dream my period started. On CD 15. Not ovulation spotting but proper bleeding.
My last period was 5 days late, light, long and drawn out.
If my period had stayed as advertised, and I had been pregnant this month my due date would have been George's day. I rather liked the symmetry of that. If. If. If. I hate that I torture myself like this.
I was afraid that the bleeding would get heavier and heavier but, oh thank goodness, it's getting lighter now.
I saw Dr Compassion yesterday and he thinks it's most likely my age but it might be a blip caused by the stress of worrying about Ray's pooposcopy. He took some blood to see if there are any hormones left and also to check for pregnancy. No, no, I really really really don't think I am.
I don't think I have ovulated in the last two months: not even a hint of a line on an ovulation test. I'd like to hope that my body is just taking a break and resetting itself but I have so little hope left and it's stretched so thin that I don't dare. But once again, I don't dare think of the alternatives.
Hopefully my hormones aren't broken yet: just bent out of shape a bit.
i could have written much of this barb. with me it is the continual spot, spot, spot. when i do things to try to make it better, it just gets worse. yes, hope stretched thin. i hear that.
ReplyDeletei know i shouldn't compare - but i hate our lot in life sometimes - waiting for the right man, having our losses late in the fertility game, the clock ticking down... i try not to be bitter, but sometimes it feels like such a cheat.
sending you love. and hope, hope, hope.
Barbara, I wish I could give you a big hug. I am so sorry that you are feeling at odds with your body right now. It isn't fair. I am continuing to hope for some regulation and only good things for you and Ray.
ReplyDelete(Also, I am happy to hear Ray's procedure went well. What a relief)