Friday 5 February 2010

Belief, feet, trees, the A word and kittehs

I'm not pregnant this month. Nasty colds and trying to make a baby don't sit together easily so I never expected to be expecting and I won't be bothering testing.

And you know what, apart from a brief couple of days of the gloomy grumps around my fertile time, which coincided with our most sneezy, snotty, achy, grotty, unromantic time, I have been quite relaxed about it all. I haven't been dreaming and planning and hoping after every tiny possible twingy maybe symptom. It's been different, which is probably a good thing. Maybe.

This month we are going back to visit the fertile nurse.

I'm starting to believe that it won't happen.

I need to believe that it will.


I'm having new orthotics made to measure next week. Hopefully they will make it easier to walk further as we have a list of places to go to not least of which is an ancient oak forest on Dartmoor. And walking is good for the soul, if not for the sole... bwahaha... ha... huh... whatever


I'm going to take a sleeping pill tonight because my rule (that I have conveniently made up in time to blog about it) is; two nights without sleep = one night of pill-sleep. Unless it's during the two week wait in which case; first day of period = two nights of pill-sleep, unless I get some good sleep before my period and I'm not crying a river, in which case... ah you get the general idea. I don't like taking sleeping pills, even the mildest of the mild sleepy antihistamines that Dr Compassion prescribes.


I spoke to my Dad this morning and he asked me how was "the feller you work with" meaning Ray of course. "He's a really nice chap". Yes Dad, he is.


I forgot to show you our kittehs first foray into the snow. In which you can see Ray drag them away from the back back garden and me squeaking in an absurdly high voice. They are normally allowed out there but we were about to go out ourselves and we don't leave the kittehs to roam while we're out. I'm still not easy about letting them wander and I know it's a side-effect from losing George but they do get to go out and at least I'm ok with Ray wandering going out now without imagining horrible mangling accidents. At this rate kittehs should be wandering free by 2012. I know, I don't know why I feel the need to explain, pathetic isn't it.

Have a lovely weekend.

And if it's been a while, tell someone that you love them.



  1. sometimes there are just other things, like colds, going on....

    hope you sleep well!

  2. You know, Barb, the first time I spoke to my ailing grandfather after we lost Kai he knew he was supposed to say something extra but couldn't retrieve the right words. He ended the call by saying "It was a real pleasure to speak to you today." I still remember that as the most loving thing anyone said to me during that dark, dark time. Sometimes you can hear the love when you take the words away.

    I'm going to adopt your sleeping pill rule, I think. And I am officially appointing myself as your optimism holder for the visit to the fertile nurse. I believe in medical science. But, more importantly, I believe in you and Ray and the power of your love to change the world.

  3. Love the video - the kittehs are adorable!

    Also wanted to add that you will LOVE your custom orthotics. I have worn them for the past few years and my feet do not hurt anywhere near as bad as they did before - they made running that much more enjoyable and pain free for me!

    PS Baby dust, baby dust, and more baby dust for when you need it :)

  4. Simon and I watched the kitteh video together. Too cute. And your dad is right - that Ray is a good chap. And you're a lovely lady. I just hope your dream to bring a baby home comes true.
    I wont give up hoping for you.

  5. I'm crossing my fingers for you Barb~and I have to tell you that my new little barn cat, Lena, enjoyed the kitty video too!

  6. :( for the BFN.

    Please keep has to happen.

    And what a lovely funny thing for your father to say...

    Hope the orthotics help! It is the second post in the day when I am reading that word.

  7. Hello, It is Lisa from Jasper, Forever our first born. I wanted to let
    you know that I wrote your angels name and took some pictures and wanted
    to give them to you. I am doing this for all the angels on the blogs that
    I follow. Here is the link. I hope you like them.

    Sorry about your BFN. Those always suck.

  8. Barbara don't give up hope. That is all we have. Thinking about George and you. Hugging you my friend.



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