Wednesday 21 January 2009

Misery lies within

Each morning that I have to get up and go to that place I feel miserable. Once I'm there I try to tuck my misery into a corner of myself and just exist. This can't be right.

Today was bad. I cried before I went there and whispered to Ray, "I hate it". "I know." he said. But I've resolved to give myself some more time so I went. Once there a volunteer who hadn't been around for a long time said, "where's your baby?"

"He died and I lost him."

The poor girl looked so shocked and I don't blame her, she'd let loose the tears that I'd choked down earlier. When I was calm I did tell her to please not feel bad, that she didn't make anything worse and she didn't upset me because I'm already so upset. Boss's remedy? Go and have a cup of tea.

And my infection is back. It was hiding behind my period. Sneaky bastard.

I would have been 33 weeks pregnant today.


5 comments:

  1. Oh, Barbara. I am so sorry it's so rough there. And the infection can't make it any easier. Draft of your resignation letter ready and waiting whenever you want it.

    Hugs.

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  2. 33 weeks. Huge sigh Barbara. I wish George was still tucked inside you, kicking away. I really, really do. And it is easy for me to say as my situation is different, but do you have to keep working there?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks Danielle, I think it might cheer me up to blog about that soon!

    Sally, thank you. Wishes wishes.

    I'm seeing my doctor on friday. I'll see how I feel then and might ask him to sign me off sick again for as long as he can.

    I'm trying to give it a bit more time because we need my wage as well as Rays but it's so tough. If I find that I really can't cope then we will cope.

    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am so sorry, Barbara for the stress of your work.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Pretty much every day these days in my household begins with me lying in bed & asking David if I can just stay there all day, I hate going to work. And then someway, somehow, each day I manage to do it.

    33 weeks...I remember I felt untouchable...that is until the 5th day of that week when all went to hell.

    Hugs.

    ReplyDelete

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