Sunday, 22 February 2009

Still standing

Some days I find it difficult to muster up enough enthusiasm to make a cup of tea.

Some days I feel as if I can cope with anything and I'd like to make you all a cup of tea (decaf, green, herbal, whatever you want! Cake?).

Some days I can almost taste my impatience to be fixed.

Some days I'm almost glad that we aren't trying yet.

Some days I just miss my son and stare at his picture and the more I look the more George looks like his father and the more I see our love in his beautiful face.

Some days I wonder how I ever went through what I went through. Was that really me?

How any of us remain standing after experiencing the worst thing in the world amazes me.

Wobbling in the breeze maybe, but still standing.


12 comments:

  1. Awesome imagry. I think you some it up quite well.

    And I love the word nincompoop :)

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  2. I agree that George looks so much like Ray and I feel his love in your words, pictures, and jewelry.
    We are here when you and Ray need a shoulder to lean on to keep standing.

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  3. wobbling in the breeze - and some days the wind is stronger than others.

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  4. Yes, it's amazing to discover you're still surviving. So amazing. I don't know how it happens, and sometimes I think it's just because there is no other choice offered, anymore than there was one offered for the life of our children. Here's to standing in the breeze.

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  5. My journey began 12 years ago. Even though I still have many wobbly days, I am standing. Your words beautifully describe what so many of us experience. Thank you.

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  6. Exactly what Natalie said :)

    Your are beautiful Barbara,

    ... I have some cake please x

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  7. We'll wobble and stand together. Thinking of you & George

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  8. Thank you all for your lovely comments!

    Chocolate cake of course, maybe under Carly's tree...

    xxx

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  9. Your imagery reminds me of trying to walk to class in Rochester, NY. The cold and wind chill were so severe that there were days when my feet were moving,taking one well planned step at a time, and yet - I wasn't making any forward progress.

    Oh -Barbara - see, you inspire me too! xxoo

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  10. "Was that really me?"...I feel that way too. A different me, a different lifetime ago. Because the me I USED to know would have never survived that. My how grief changes us. Wobbling in the breeze is prefect! I'm certainly wobbling in the breeze...

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