It's cold here. There's snow in other parts of the county but we always seem to miss out on it. Ray has been standing at the window warming up on the radiator and watching out for the snow that doesn't fall. He has been observing a man across the road who cleans and polishes his car every day, sometimes twice a day. We think he is a serial killer who has to wash the blood off and get rid of the evidence. We watch too much CSI.
I'm now 6 days into my 4 pills a day routine and my lower intestine feels as if it's full of carefully-napped-by-a-skilled-artisan razor-sharp flint-axe-heads. Ooh ow ouch! This, apparently, is how my intestines run with NO bacteria present. Nice. I shall be guzzling the pre and probiotics as soon as this course of treatment is over and get some of the good guys running around my system again. As it is I have another 8 days of; when do I eat, what time is it and oops I forgot my iron pills for the 5th day in a row no wonder I'm out of breath and my legs are twitchy. Oh health why are you so elusive?
We are both suffering from insomnia at the moment. I say "we" because I can't sleep without Ray in the bed and he's not sleeping at the moment. 4am last night. 3am the night before. And I have my alarm go off at 7am to sleepily take my first pill of the day.
Last night I lay awake in bed feeling George's absence. I felt it in my belly, my head and my lungs. I lay there quietly, not crying and let the feeling wash over me. I'm still carrying my baby inside me.
Still working on the escape plan.