Sunday, 8 February 2009

Waiting for the tears that didn't fall

I found two pregnancy tests today while looking for something in my bedside drawer. Two of the five, yes five, that I used over 4 days to confirm George's life had begun. The lines have faded to nothing. That seemed such a big sad thing that I sat and stared at them for a while wondering and waiting for the tears. I didn't cry but I can't bring myself to throw them out. Silly little thing really, they are after all just sticks that I've peed on. One day I want to be able to throw them out. But not yet.


10 comments:

  1. I did the same thing at the beginning of Ezra's life...I think I took 4 pregnancy tests before I could really admit to myself it was really true.

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  2. I took pictures of mine, and that made them easier to throw out when I was ready... which wasn't for quite a while. Take your time!

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  3. We have a photo of ours, too- I can't look at it now, but am hoping that one day it will feel like the happy memory that, in fact, it was.

    Hugs to you.

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  4. There is no rush. Take your time. And be good to yourself.

    But is nice sometimes when the tears you anticipate don't appear, no?

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  5. Hold on to whatever you need - for as long as you need.

    We have to have tangible reminders - we just do.

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  6. It was nice not to cry, yes. And I do have photos of the fifth digital one that said "pregnant" but not the others.

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  7. I peed on one stick only, never took a pic and promptly threw it out. I mean gross, who keeps stuff they peed on? But that's becuase I never thought that at the end of it all, she wouldn't be here. How I wish I had it now, as one more reminder that she was real, and she was here. 5am Thursday 13 December 2007 is when I took that test. So fucking happy that day. Seems like a life time ago now. It was. Her life time.....

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  8. I just went through this same thing. I don't know if I will ever throw them out. You do what is right for you. They represent a happy moment.

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