"Grief is like a very sharp stone in your belly. You carry it with you and the sharp corners wear away until you just feel the weight of the stone and not the pain."
I have to say, that moment can't come quickly enough for me. Right now, at this moment, it's still far too sharp.
I am SO impatient to be well again physically because the closer I get to wellness the closer we will be to trying for another baby made with love and for goodness sake I'm 41, I don't want to hang around too long! But I think that even if I were younger I would still be impatient to do some mothering to a live baby. I had a store of cuddles saved up for George and empty arms just don't do it.
Emotional wellness, well that's a different matter. I have promised myself all the time I need and most of this time I can accept the good days and the bad days for what they are but sometimes I forget that promise and become frustrated with the tears and the sadness and the anger and just the whole sad sorry situation. I want out. I don't want to be here in this small dark place of grief any more. I want some light back, a big blazing expansive flood of light, much more than just the odd glimmer here and there.
I want to feel whole and happy.
Today I think the stone might be in my heart.