Here's a thing.
After Cara's comment in my blog yesterday about anticipation I started thinking. (I don't do a great deal of it these days, bear with me.)
George was due at the beginning of march. Wow, that seems like such a long way off and oh hell it's going to be a bad bad time.
Somehow and for some reason that I can't quite fathom, I think I would really like to be pregnant again before this date. Pregnant with a new life when George should still have been safe inside me.
Making the loss of his life meaningful? I don't know. It's an odd thought that has just occurred to me. We were only planning on having one child so being pregnant with no.2 will already be a life created where none would have been.
Does that make any sense? Can anyone else fathom this thought?
Today I'm trying to be artistic. Also not crying (yet) and not bleeding.
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this makes so much sense to me Barbara. We told our familes we were pregnant on Christmas Day last year, so I really want to be pregnant again by Christmas this year. I better get to it, that only leaves me one egg to get it right! I hope you get your wish Barbara xo
ReplyDeleteMakes total sense. We were due in mid-April. I keep trying to figure out how to pull myself together enough to be pregnant by then so I have something to feel besides sad (terrified, maybe?) at a time that was supposed to be pure happiness. Knowing how I feel now, I can't imagine how people manage to try again so soon, but I feel that pull as well.
ReplyDeleteA day (or a half a day) without crying is a good day. And a day without bleeding sounds like a huge relief (they should have checked me out a little more carefully post-delivery as well- I hear where you're coming from on this one.)
Oh I'm glad there's some sense there and I'm not just going barking mad!
ReplyDeleteI think if I wasn't having so many gyny problems we would be trying right now.
xxx
makes complete sense. although ezra's due date has come and gone, my urgency comes a bit from wanting to be one of those tidy stories babylost mamas who are further out from their losses have shared with me...well 1 year and 5 days later i gave birth to a healthy live baby, etc. I'm making myself insane.
ReplyDeleteMakes complete sense to me. Ditto everyone's comment. I think for me, I just want life inside me again and in a way, prove (to myself and my damn body) that I can do this. So glad the bleeding has stopped.
ReplyDeleteWithout question it makes sense! Your body, heart and life is craving the knowledge of another sould created within you.
ReplyDeleteIt' so interesting that you bring up the number of intended kids. We walked down the aisle with a tennis match of 4 - 2 - 4 - 2 going on. (can you guess which one I was?)
Then, later I told him - "If we have three we have four. I'm not raising a middle child."
So, how that for trying to plan our lives? We have three kids, but we aren't going to have the fourth.
George will always be your first born.
I think there are two camps on this, and I am in the waiting camp. I think the big factor here is age. But I also think it is important to rebuild your body. I did see one set of numbers about bad outcomes if the next pregnancy is close (<14 mos I think). Also, it takes time to figure out if there are any genetic or blood related problems.
ReplyDeleteIt does seem to me through, that my camp is the smaller one... my daughter died in February at 39 weeks and I don't want to even think about getting pregnant until March (although I accidentally got pregnant this summer and misscarried)
This makes perfect sense.
ReplyDeletePerfect.