Yesterday Ray wasn't working and we went into town to run a few errands. We popped into my workplace to hand in another sick note and I saw two colleagues that I hadn't seen since I had my babybump. One of them asked if I was feeling better, as if I'd had an illness. Neither of them uttered one word about my George.
So I did.
I spoke about George's birth and about not being healed since George was born and they should have given me a D&C straight away after George's birth. George George George George. Damm them! How dare they not mention my lost baby.
What on earth is wrong with us that we think it is somehow better to not mention the dead. As if by not mentioning them the death didn't really happen. HA! You can't fool me, I know I had a baby.
We went for a coffee after that (decaf, keep with the good habits) and Ray was a little surprised by my anger, (I growled, I think) for him it's too painful when other people DO mention George. He doesn't want to forget or pretend, it just hurts.
Today I'm not as angry as I was yesterday, and a little proud of myself.
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Good on you Barbara! Shout his name! And I'm still on the decafs here, too xo
ReplyDeleteI wonder how many people know that our baby actually HAD a name, never mind what it is?? :( Good for you!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you spoke up, Barbara! People need to know how to talk about lost children--and so many don't.
ReplyDeleteBe well today.
Thank you all.
ReplyDeleteI will keep saying George's name.
Oh Loribeth, what was your daughters name? I would like to share it with you and I'm sure we all would.
xxx
Barbara - I am SUPER-proud of you. It is SO incredibly important, and SO incredibly rare, that the untouched people around us (borrowing that term from Monique) remember to say our babies' names. Thinking of you and George today. xoxo
ReplyDeleteScream it from the rooftops. Fuck their being uncomfortable. George is loved, he is real and will never be forgotten. Send them my way if you get tired of them.
ReplyDeleteOh Barbara - what a brave thing to do right from the start, and worth it. For, now - you will always say his name. It feels right and real and, "they" don't have to get it.
ReplyDeleteIn time, the anger will subside. I went through phases of bitter - stick-it-to-them kind of rightousness when I said her name. Like, "Ha! Take that. Emma makes you nervous? Well, too bad. She is real and alive in my heart!"
Now, my emotions are more even keel, but I smile - I always smile when I speak her name. It lights me up from the inside.