Funerals, blood, tears and tea.

Neither of us slept much last night. My head was filled with gynecological thoughts, delayed hopes of new babies, apprehension at tests to come and continuing wonderment at George's perfection. Ray's thoughts were of funerals, dead family, people once again doing painful things to me, and of course thoughts of his son.

We attended Ray's brother-in-laws funeral this morning and I was reminded of why we didn't choose this route for George. The atmosphere is too charged and too controlled and I sometimes think that people behave in a certain way at a funeral because they think they should rather than just allowing themselves to feel whatever grief throws at them. Each to their own choice of course, it seemed to help Karen and her children and for that I'm pleased.

Ray cried quite a lot at this funeral. He's not sure if he was crying because of his sisters pain or out of some sort of feeling for Darren (as he said, no one is all bad), or even from some remaining grief for his father who died many years ago. Whatever it was, seeing him cry made me cry, which felt rather peculiar as I was crying at the funeral of someone I have never met. Odd.

We skipped the wake and drank tea in a nice 16th century hotel instead. Later we parked by the sea and watched the sun go down for a while. Ray had been irritable and snappy all day and naturally I got the brunt of it. I don't mind, he gets my bad moods too. I left him in the car for a few minutes, stretched my legs and had a cry for George.

In answer to some questions from yesterday: I can't remember if HSG was mentioned but I do remember the obstetrician talking about a 3d scan. I'll get all the information and a summary of our meeting in a letter. Thanks for the heads up ladies, forewarned is forearmed; pain relief before and after and heating pads!

The ob thought that the bleeding I had 3 weeks after the D&C was probably a period, just a much longer, weirder one. It was, after all, 4 weeks from George's birth. Counting on 28 days and I'm due for another period. I'm crampy today so perhaps she's right and if so, wow, my body has just snapped back into cycle. Snap. I'm pleased but sort of strangely sad that this pregnancy was so easy to recover from.

Today I've been a jumble of emotions and I'll be glad when this day is over.