Wednesday, 12 August 2009

The visit

It was ok-ish. We waited in the waiting room in the early pregnancy/fertility unit, in the ultrasound department, in the maternity unit where we sat after my first bleed at 7 weeks with George. Where I cried at seeing his little heart fickering away. Where last year we heard someone coming out 0f their emergency ultrasound saying oh-so-matter of factly that it was dead and they were going to get it out.

I thought I was doing ok with all the questions until we started talking about "the baby" and if any tests had been done on "the baby" after "it died". I had a bit of a cry, slipped into the conversation that "the baby" had been called George, and he wasn't autopsied, then cried a bit more and had a cup of tea. Someone always seems to make us a cup of tea in the maternity unit.

The appointment was with one of the fertility nurses, rather than the ob/gyn. She now wants all the testing done before we see her. Okeydokey.

Blood tests, blood tests and more blood tests on different cycle days, of course. And just one teeny tiny "test" for Ray.

I need to lose weight. I know, I know, I know but not working and painful feet don't help. At least I've got the comfort eating under control again. Did I mention that had reared it's ugly head again? And don't be silly, I am not giving up chocolate. Ever.

The fertile nurse (as Ray called her) then told us that the very act of "handing over responsibility" for our fertility often lifts a lot of stress and sometimes has the desired effect, and we must tell them if we get pregnant at the end of this cycle because they will still ultrasound us at 6, 8 and 10 weeks before handing us over for consultant-led care. The desired effect. Wouldn't that be nice.

Talking about 6, 8 and 10 weeks reminded me that getting pregnant is only the first hurdle; the one I've been concentrating so hard on. So many others.

I think I ovulated early this month, cd 10 instead of cd 13, according to my pee-sticks.

Think those fertile thoughts for us will you?

Think us a baby will you?

And dear lovely Danielle and Rach. Offering me your "turns" was just about the most wonderfullest, kindest, loveliest gift I have ever received. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Love you.


  1. I'm thinking you the squishiest, chubbiest, healthiest baby I possibly can.

  2. Those vibes are coming over the pond right now...

  3. I think I'll email them, so you get them faster!!!
    Just crossing all my fingers and toes so tightly for you guys. I can't quite put in to words how badly I want this for you.
    You're gorgeous Barbara.

  4. I will gladly give you my turn if it will gladden your heart- it would sure gladden mine. Thinking squishy, chubby baby thoughts for you. I love that!

    Email to follow.

  5. Hoping & wishing over here. xo

  6. Barb, I really meant it. You know if there is some greater force in the universe (and I don't mean god), I wish for you to go next. I can wait a little longer. I can happily wait if I know you are happily pregnant.

    So its a deal universe, Barbara's next. OK! You had better be listening up there. Or I may get really pissed off. No-one wants that. Just ask my husband.

    Love Rach

  7. Absolutely, not a problem at all. . .thinking. . . thinking. . .thinking. . .

  8. Thinking you my very mostest fertilest thoughts. The universe really needs to get its act together on this one. xx

  9. sending bouncing baby vibes your way....

  10. I hope it is as easy as the 'fertile' nurse says.
    have fun with all the bloodwork ;)

  11. I found you and am glad I did. I am so sorry you lost your baby. I am in my 40s too and have lost my son. Akul is my first born and I am so disheartened because I wonder if he will be my last. I understand how you feel and I am going to follow your story. Sending you love.



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