Maria says I'm normal.
Maria says what I'm feeling is normal and healthy.
Maria says that people who tell me I should be "over it by now" are wrong.
Maria says that it will never really be "ok" ever again and that's ok.
Maria says I don't really need her sort of counselling at the moment.
Maria says that some people only come to counselling many years after stamping down their grief and the way I'm "handling it" seems healthy.
Maria says that if I feel the need for counselling she will help but she doesn't want to refer me to their "team" who generally deal with people who have long-standing issues and although I do still have those self esteem problems she doesn't think it's anything other than a manifestation of my grief.
Maria told me all the things that I already knew but needed to hear someone else say out loud. I love Maria (but I didn't tell her as we'd only just met and anyway she might think it odd).
Doctor compassion says that it's normal for one's "tackle" to be knocked about after loss (his word).
Doctor compassion says that even after 5 months hormones can "play up".
Doctor compassion says that that when my period arrives it might be a "bad one" or it might be light but it probably won't be normal.
Doctor compassion says to stock up on ibuprofen.
Doctor compassion says NO NO NO when I tell him I'm worried about menopause.
Doctor compassion wrote a sick note for another two months.
I love Doctor compassion too (but I don't tell him in case he thinks I'm going to stalk him and, tsk, certainly not in the way that I love Ray)
And all this before 9.30am.
(Ray says most emphatically that I'm not normal like all those people out there, no.)
(so much for taking a blogbreak)