Friday, 17 April 2009

Have you any idea how difficult it is to burn a tampon?

Well neither did I till I tried! I wonder if there's flame retardant in them? And if so why why why??? It took ages!

I think of it as a sacrifice to the gods of what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-my-cycle?!



So here we are on day 40 of the never ending cycle.

I need Sherlock Holmes to investigate *cue dramatic Victorianesque music* "The case of the missing period"

I've tried planning a hot night of passion, I've tried a hot night of passion.. ahem... I've tried ignoring it, pah see if I care... I've worn my best knickers and left my emergency tampon (now burnt) at home. I'm trying acupressure now, thank you for the links Danielle, I'm squeezing my liver into submission gently pressing on certain points with calm serenity.

Meditation? Oh yes, I'm trying to "imagine a healing energy filling my ovaries and womb and seeing my reproductive system filling with the glowing light of strength energy and power"... or somesuch.

Humour? Youbetcha. If I didn't laugh I'd cry.

This isn't how it was supposed to be.


Maybe kittens will trigger it?



10 comments:

  1. Maybe it's a metaphor for your cycle. It will take a while to get back to normal, but it will eventually.
    I'm an English teacher, and never in TEN years of teaching has my figurative language included a reference to a tampon! That's what you do to me Barb. You make me think outside the box! I've blogged about you, yet again. Stop making me , you know, think!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Now there's a sight I never thought I'd see - a burning tampon!!

    I hope this offering works for you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. You should have burned your bra with the tampon, and get it all over with. I cannot tell you how many times I have wanted to do that. Thank you for the laugh this morning. I nominated you for an award, check it out on my blog.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is too funny, except for the seriousness behind your period inducing rituals.

    (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  5. Love the photo- hate the menstruation deities.

    Dogs know when you're ovulating- perhaps cats do have menstruation induction powers.

    Enjoy the kitties.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Friday and they shall be here.

    Hope periods have gone to finf Watson...coz there was a fire alarm that went off in a particular home....devilish fumes rose from the burning....

    ReplyDelete
  7. Flame retardent in a tampon... Interesting thought...

    Hope that the acu works. It's a bummer waiting... and waiting... and waiting...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sometimes women (especially after pregnancy, m/c, extreme stress, etc.) have a "silent period" where they haven't built up enough lining to shed.
    Some wild yam, ginseng, and dong quai, wild raspberry, and chasteberry herbs/teas are helpful.
    That's all I got, is it too much a$$vice?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wow. Just wow! I'm so sorry its come down to this, but thank you for the humor all the same.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am officially out of ideas, but I am thinking of you Barb. Do keep us posted - I know you will.

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails