I feel

Frustrated, irritated, unsure, quiet, sad, angry, sadhappy, tired, sleepless, tearless, sad, empty, bereft, loved, loved and loved.

• Ray has been awfully ill since friday with something flu-like and horrible. While he's been tucked up in bed shivering and sweating, and when I haven't been waiting on him or mopping his brow, I've been pottering around or sitting on the sofa alone with my thoughts and without my babies. Empty. 

• He's feeling a lot better today. Whoop.

• We're hoping to go away for a couple of days soon. We've been hoping to go away for a couple of days for months. Now we need to

• I put some paint on a canvas last week for the first time in three years. It felt good. It's not finished and I don't know if it will be finished. I need some new paints.

• I'd like to go on a spending spree but there's not enough money.  Either spending or eating but spending would be better.

• I'm still spotting off and on two and a half weeks later and fortunately there's no sign of infection. I know it's normal but I. Am. So. Sick. of. it.

• I've been quiet here, reading a little but not commenting very much. You have my support even if I don't tell you. All of you. Always.

• I'm still searching for the brightness.