Monday, 1 March 2010

At a loss

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I'm left feeling flat after reading this.

There was a sort of finality about our fertility clinic visit and a sort of "there's nothing of much use we can do" to this letter.

We can go this far and no further.

I keep trying to concentrate on the good news.

IamovulatingnormallyIamovulatingnormallyIamovulatingnormallyIamovulatingnormally has become my mantra.


We can go this far and no further.
 
Part of me wants to stamp my feet and shout, "We'll see about that!" and part of me just wants to curl up and weep.



25 comments:

  1. Oh, Barb, just so sorry. I can see why you would feel flat after reading that. I would too, but I think you are right to read ovulating normally as a positive. It will become my mantra too--Barbisovulatingnormally.

    Sending you much love. xo

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  2. Hiya Barbara.....

    youareovulationgnormally..normally..normally
    sod the age, women are having babies late forties, fifties and sixty's....you are ovulating normally and for now that's all that matters and you WILL get there.. and hopefully so will I! Hugs xxx

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  3. Jeeeezus...this is awful, B.

    I really want to say something earth-shattering, but I can't find the right things to say.

    You could do Clomid. And even if you are not going for IVF, you could try IUI+Clomid. Are those cycles also very expensive. These US bloggers keep on talking about shared risk programs and all...is that available for you?

    I am so sorry that age is against you.

    Feeling :( for both you and Ray.

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  4. I'm sorry. That letter would be disheartening. But just because a letter says you can't does not mean you have to believe it. I don't know, seems like there are other options. Egg donation? Embryo adoption? That is if you want to even pursue those options. You are probably working through processing the letter for now.

    ((((((hugs)))))

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  5. Hum. I don't like that at all. I imagine "flat" is a most perfect word to describe what you're feeling. And I'm sorry for that.

    If you're anything like me, that will change to anger or defiance or something must more volatile in the next few days :) Thinking of you, honey.

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  6. bummer, bummer, bummer. no one wants to see comments like that in print. :( you are ovulating normally - that is a big thing, and i know you will hold on to it tightly. i'm sure you are thinking of everything that might help, but i just wanted to mention (hopefully without sounding too much like an annoying ms. fix-it): maca? acupuncture? western herbs? chinese herbs? fertility massage? thinking of you lots. xo

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  7. I am so sorry Barb~I would feel totally deflated too. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way.
    xoxo

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  8. Wishing it was more optimistic for you...but there is hope in that you are ovulating and aren't even peri-menopausal!

    With regard to shared-risk programs, we are part of one, and sadly, it is very expensive too. It's even more expensive than a regular cycle (or two and a half, really) of IVF. We were blessed that we were able to borrow from John's mom instead of going through their financing, but at least that financing was an option as well.
    I know donor embryo processes are about $6000 or so here, if you are near a clinic that does it, and I imagine there is financing for that too, but....

    The sad fact is that even if there is financing, if you have to use your money on silly things like eating and paying the utilities, well financing is lovely, but still not an option sometimes. I get so mad that fertility treatments are SO expensive, but then I try to remember the miracles they are helping create, so...there's a yin and a yang.

    Thinking of you and hoping for clear paths of decision and plans.

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  9. I am stamping with you Barbara...don't give up!!! xx

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  10. Barba - don't give up yet. There are still options available to you. How about IVF in Poland? I hear it's very affordable even with donor egg. You should look into IVF in another country as a way for you guys to conceive. I know it's horribly expensive here in the US and over there in Europe, but Ines told me about Poland and the costs were very realistic. Good luck to you guys. xxoo

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  11. Oh my dear. I can see why that letter would leave you feeling flat. They have such a charming turn of phrase some of these docs don't they?
    I wish there was more good news in your letter but there certainly is SOME good news there. Surely the ovulation has to be a really big tick in the box? Stamping with you and Tina! xo

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  12. Sending the warmest hug I have. Hoping the universe sends you a miracle.

    xo

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  13. I'm sorry. That is not a great letter.

    Nothing wrong with alternating between stomping and shouting, and weeping.

    (((hugs)))

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  14. I'm so sorry Barbara. Doctors have no tact and can say the most deflating things. Sending you strength.

    xx

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  15. Just hugs. GREAT BIG ((((((HHHUUUUUUGGGSSS))))). And sending up some "please universe, please" messages for you and Ray. xoxo

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  16. hey hon, I'm sorry to have people write stuff like that, just being a case and pushed to the side, another appointment in 3 months. Well, f*** them!

    Sending you vibes, strength and a big hug

    xxx

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  17. You are not going t believe this Barbara...a student came to see me a couple weeks ago. She is in her 40s, has never been able to have a baby, was on low dose birth control pills, had stopped mensturating and then suddenly, out of nowhere she found out she was 32 weeks pregnant...32 weeks!!! It happens very rarely, but it does. I do not think the doctors have any answers but..... and yes there is IVF and more. Hugging you tight...what a hard road we travel!!

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  18. Thinking of you Barbara xx

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  19. oh sweets... sending hugs...

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  20. Sending my best, dear Barbara.

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  21. oh barb.

    i am thinking of you, try and hold onto that hope and don't let it go.

    x

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  22. you know what? screw that letter! here's hoping that you "show them"! sending over hugs and babydust.
    xo

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  23. Sending a big hug and all the postive energy I can muster.

    Shit. Come on Universe!

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