Dearest Indian Restaurant

Thank you for your sag paneer loveliness, your vegetable makhani delights and your sag aloo gorgeousness. Your food titivates my taste buds with its gently spiced goodness. I am also reliably informed that your chicken makhani and chicken tikka masala are "the best". Your naan bread is cooked to perfection, your papadoms are crispy miracles and you always send us a few extras to go with our meal. Yum and thank you.

Your food is entirely scrumdiddlyumptious and joyfully there is so much of it that even by ordering side-dishes I am able to put aside enough for a next-day meal too. A nice Indian meal from your restaurant is also the perfect antidote to pre-menstrual cramps and general PMS whininess. (I realise that this is entirely too much information and would probably be of no use in any advertising campaign you might be thinking of)

All in all a visit to or a take away from your restaurant is an absolute delight for the senses.

However.

We are unable to eat it any later in the  evening than 5.30 because of the copious amounts of amphetamine-like substances you obviously add that keep us awake far into the night. And also, it doesn't half give me gas and a wicked dose of heartburn. Could you please take these ingredients out of your food the next time we order but keep each dish tasting exactly the same?

Oh yes, and when someone forgets part of our order and we call to complain, please do not let the "new boy" try to make my Poppet feel as if it is his fault that you forgot his chicken dish. Tsk. We forgive you only because your food is so yummy and you brought us free stuff with your abject apology.

From

The couple on the hill who always phone to order food exactly upon the hour of 5pm when you open.

Brrrp.