I bumped into a lady who used to volunteer at the shop today. I just popped into town to deposit a cheque and grab some milk. I don't go very often, and even less by my self.
I always got on ok with this lady, sheesh, I always got on with everyone who worked there, I'm not the sort to not get on with someone for no reason, life is too short. Anyway she's about the same age as my mum but can be rather caustic and blunt at times.
This lady sent me a notelet, not a condolence after the loss of your baby card but a notelet with cute woodland animals on it after we lost George telling me it was "probably for the best". Those words back then upset me immensely. For days. I had many conversations with this lady in my head where I told her exactly what would have been "for the best" for us and our son.
Still, I chatted with her, I'm a nice person you know and I don't care much for conflict. I filled her in on why I wasn't going back to that job with those people. She told me about a friend of a friend whose daughter had been born 8 weeks premature and died after surgery to correct a problem with her stomach. "It was all for the best". Ahem. She then mentioned that our loss had probably been "for the best" too. And so, taking my cue from her own bluntness, I told her.
George was perfectly healthy up until his death. The big anatomy scan a week before we lost him showed up NO problems. He was normal to ahead on his growth. He was moving around normally, he hid his face and then flipped over to wave to us. The relief after that scan had been immeasurable; I'd spent the previous night on a ward with women far more pregnant than I listening to a couple of them going into labour and then being wheeled away. They sent us for the anatomy scan, I stopped bleeding and they sent me home. A week later my waters broke and his cord slipped from my body. George died because something in MY anatomy went wrong. I told her that I disagreed with her strongly. Losing our son had never ever been "for the best".
I felt as if I was defending my son's right to his own short little life. And you know, even if there had been terrible problems, even if he had been doomed from the start, even if we had chosen to end our pregnancy to spare him a painful existence, none of it, NONE of it would have ever been "for the best".
I think she might cross the road next time she sees me. Which would be a shame, because she has been one of the few people to even mention our loss. And quite honestly, I relished the chance to say the things I said, and I would have enjoyed "educating" her further.