I feel as if I need to make some changes. To everything, to anything, to myself and to our home. I started with my blog, a simple thing but it felt good to sit down and work things out, to fiddle with and write some code and concentrate. My concentration lately has been, quite frankly, crap. I don't have the tidiest of minds in the first place but now it's getting ridiculous!
I sometimes feel as if I'm sinking into myself. I've been here before and as comfortable as apathy can be I don't want to rest here too long. Dammit I need to pluck my eyebrows and shave my legs and I just can't be bothered. So tomorrow I WILL do it.
I don't really like going out alone these days. I do go out, but I much prefer it when we go out as a team. Then I can hide behind Ray and let him do the talking for us. So tomorrow I'm meeting a friend for coffee (decaf) and I WILL chat about positive things.
I need to get back to me. To the me that doesn't care what anyone thinks. To the me that has enthusiasm for lots of things. To the me that can get things done.
I feel at times like a hormonal teenager having a tantrum on acid. So I'm trying the relaxation-prepare-your-womb-for-conception-your-ovaries-are-beautiful cd and the visualisation of better things and I WILL get to where I need to be.
I just wish I could WILL George back into our lives. Into his life.