Saturday, 14 May 2011

One year ago

It's been one whole year since I found out I was pregnant with Little Poppet.

Has it really been that long?

That Friday all my pre-period symptoms had disappeared and I "tested" with an ovulation dip stick because I only had one pregnancy test and I didn't want to waste it. It showed a positive almost immediately and I sent a slightly hysterical email to Danielle. At this point I still wasn't 100% sure and so I didn't say anything to Ray until the following Monday, when we saw the "real" positive together.

I was officially pregnant for 9 weeks and 3 days but poor Little Poppet's tiny heart kept it's rhythm for about two short weeks, beginning at 6 and stopping at around 8 weeks. I wish I'd seen it beating and felt that surge of hope, even though it ended in our broken hearts being broken again. Did you see the cloud rainbow s/he sent us?

Today the prospect of parenthood seems further away than ever and I can't even picture it any more. Hope seems almost like a foreign emotion.

But I can't bring myself to give up.

Not yet.

There's still a little hope buried in here somewhere.


11 comments:

  1. Sending love and hope your way. xx

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  2. Oh I haven't forgotten! I remember getting my news a fortnight after yours. I remember I asked you about isoflavones. I remember all that.

    I remember that you could not get your ultrasound due to the same reason, and I was waiting too coz my doc was out and then sick. Oh, I remember all of that. I do.

    And I think of the lump I felt in my throat when I read about a curled up Little Poppet in its home.

    Just want to tell you that I had been thinking of you. For me that period is an incremental frame of BFPs. Two weeks after me, Mrs. Spock had her BFP....and so many more....

    Many Many Many hugs.

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  3. I remember every email we exchanged and every post from those precious weeks. And I am here, honoring Little Poppet with you and holding hope for better days.

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  4. I remember Little Poppet and will be hopeful for you. Sending much love.

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  5. Thinking of your little Poppet, and of you guys and hope. Sending hope and preggo vibes your way.

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  6. I wish little Poppet was with you now. And I send hope too. So much hope.

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  7. remembering your little poppet, and your moment of hope.

    i am also past feeling hopeful but unable to give up - it is a strange sensation. it feels a little like strength. xoxo

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  8. Remembering your little Poppet. Sending strength to keep your hopes up. xx

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  9. Your Little Poppet is never forgotten. I so wish he or she could have stayed.
    Love you lots and lots.
    xo

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  10. I remember your sweet Little Poppet with much love and hope. xo

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  11. I remember your little Poppet with love. And I will continue to hope for you, even when you can't manage to hope for yourself.

    All my love xxxx

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