Wednesday 18 November 2009

Nutshell

Sometime around dark o'clock this morning I woke up. Snap. Wide awake. I awoke crying. I've no idea if I had a sad dream or it was triggered by those oh-so-unwanted premenstrual cramps.

I tried to keep it down but still managed to wake Ray who wrapped himself around me and kissed my neck.

"What's wrong poppet?"

"I miss our son and I want to be pregnant."

Yup, that's just about it.

I haven't had much to say lately (bloggers block?) but what more can I say at the moment when those ten words sum up everything in one dark little nutshell.

Notes to self:
Mustn't wipe nose on duvet.
Must find other thoughts to think.
Must cheer up.

Be back soon.

Honest.

With some light.

Promise.


20 comments:

  1. That's it in a nutshell, isn't it?

    Right here with you and hoping for some light.

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  2. That's happened to me too, the waking up crying. I think your mind is still processing all of your thoughts, even when you sleep, so sometimes something is triggered.

    I hope you get your wish soon and are able to start trying for another baby. You will still miss George every day, but it will go a long way toward healing something in your heart.

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  3. We are here when you want or need us. With love and wishing the same wishes for you, Barb. XO.

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  4. i hate the nutshell, barb. right there in it with you today. i'm so sorry. much love to you. xo

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  5. Aw, honey. You don't have to bring light. If you want us, we're here. We can handle the dark, honest.

    That said, I wish you light. So, so much more light than I can even put in to words. I want those 10 words for you - well, the last 5. The first 5, I'm just sorry that they're true.

    Thinking of you. And always here. ((Hugs))

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  6. crossing EVERYTHING that your wish comes true, Barb. sending you a huge hug. and wishing you love and light...

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  7. With you through the light and the dark, Barb. Sending much love. xo

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  8. Sending you lots of light, Barb.... I really hope it reaches you soon.

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  9. Uck. Dark o'clock. Such a horrible time of night.
    Much love xoxo

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  10. I'm sorry you are so sad and in a dark place right now. Cry the tears you need to, maybe wipe the snot on a tissue though :)
    Sending love and (((((hugs)))))

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  11. So sorry, B. I am glad Ray is there to hold you. ((Hugs))

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  12. Barb,

    You are loved. We are here.

    Holly and Dani - that goes for you too.

    xxxx

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  13. i'm in that nutshell with you. I so miss my baby girl. And I so want to be pregnant. Sending you hugs and prayers for peace.

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  14. Hoping your wish comes true very soon. xx

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  15. doesn't have to be light all the time. your dark side is safe here with us.
    that said.......i wish you light.

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  16. Me too Barb. In a nutshell. Hugs

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  17. That is a crappy nutshell, only the last part applies to me, but it still is crappy. maybe even crappy+ if there is such a thing.
    I hope soon you'll be feeling morning sickness instead of premenstrual cramps.

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  18. Be back as you need to be. Whether it be sad or happy or some place inbetween. I often wake up in a sob. As though the only place I am safe enough to let it go is in the land of dreams...

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