We went christmas shopping today and managed to do most of it in one shop using their buy 2 get 1 free offer three times. It was Ray's idea to go shopping. *gasp*. I know, it made me *gasp* too.
We managed about 5 shops and one St,a,rb u.cks before we needed to escape. The coffee came before the shopping and yeees I'm still doing decaf. I'm also doing sleeping pills, but only when I have my period. I thought I might be pregnant this month, spotting on 11/12dpo and then nothing, period a day late: but it's here now so I'm not. Pffft. For one day I was almost convinced and bloody hell how my mind flew off into all sorts of directions. I'd like a co-sleeper cot, the cvs test was incredibly painful, I'll be pregnant in July, I hope it's not too hot, I'll get a baby sling, we'll find out the sex this time... and so on. Again. Pfffftt.
I dragged Ray into the @p.p.le store and drooled for a few minutes over the ma, c b.o0k p,r0 I'm planning on upgrading to at some point this century before remembering that I desperately needed the toilet and that I would rather be spending money-we-don't-have on a baby.
There were far too many babies being hauled around shops they were dressed far too warmly for. We should be preparing for 10 month old George's first Christmas.
We spent our first Christmas together alone with our landlord who came out Christmas afternoon to fix our burned out fuse box. Dinner was half cooked and then finished a few hours later. It was great.
We spent our second Christmas together mourning our son and listening to the friend we had invited round to take our minds off being alone talking about his sad life. It wasn't great.
This Christmas we will probably eat with my parents because quite honestly I don't know how many more Christmases there will be where my Dad remembers who we are. And my Mum is a better cook than both of us put together.
Next Christmas, despite the fact that I have no religious beliefs any more (not for many many years) I want to celebrate with my husband* and our baby**. Dammit.
The fairy lights I put up around our fireplace last year are still there. Last year I said I was going to leave them up for a new baby.*** Maybe I should dust the fireplace and rearrange them.
It's not even December yet but really, Bah humbug!
*no we're not married yet, despite the fact that Ray refers to me as his "missis", but we will be. Eventually.
**for goodness sake is it really too much to ask?
*** I know I said I'd be back with some light, do fairy lights count?