It's raining here. It's been raining all day and the forecast is for a wet August. Summer is a bust. I have periody type cramps and I'm expecting not to be expecting once again this month. Boo. Hiss. Waaa. etc. Still 3 days to go so I'm sure I'll pee on at least one stick before the end of this cycle, but don't hold your breath.
So, being a sucker for punishment, I decided to calculate the number of days in my life when I haven't been pregnant.
No not from my birth day.
Shall I count from my first period ever? 9 years old. It is feasible of course, but obviously unlikely.
Ah, my first sexual experience? Do you want to know? Of course you do. I was 16. Too young, too early, too soon, blah blah blah, but my choice and not one I particularly regret. *cue music... "regrets, I've had a few... but then again, to0 few to mention"*
Ok, so starting from my 16th birthday there have been 9512 days.
(I have been alive for 15356 days. Yikes.)
George's pregnancy lasted 147 days. (Isn't it amazing that out of 15356 days 147 of them could have had such a momentous impact)
9512 - 147 = 9365.
npd 9365.
26 years of "fertility".
311 months of not getting that bun in the oven.
Sucker.
Do I regret these npm's? (non pregnant months.) No and yes. No, not at all, because for whatever reason I had to wait till I was 40 to meet the love of my life, if I'd had a child with someone else I would never have met Ray and he is so obviously my other half, the missing piece in my puzzle, the sunshine in my sky (oh shut up) that I can't imagine us not being. I have never met anyone I wanted to have a child with SO much. Yes, because I'm running out of time. Tick tock.
Sometimes I'm glad I suck at math - I don't even try :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you found your Ray. What a special, special man he must be.
Fingers crossed for some pregnant days and months soon.
I'm not giving up Barb. Hoping you are PRN (pregnant right now) and don't even know it. If not, I hope you are PTTNM (pregnant this time next month). Always wishing for good news from you.
ReplyDeletexo
What's that phrase? The best things in life are worth waiting for. Ray is one of those things, I suppose, since fate made you wait to meet him. But oh, how wonderful your life with him is! And that is such a beautiful thing. I enjoy reading about your happiness together.
ReplyDeleteI wish that George had been with you longer and that you were balancing a newborn and thinking of becoming pregnant again. I know this isnt how you wanted things to be... Sending you a big hug and hoping that this is not a non pregnant day but a pregnant w.o knowing day.
OMG I looked at your number and the explanation of it and thought how much braver you are than I to work that out. And then my stupid head quickly worked out that i'm just a few years younger, times number of months in those years, less a few more months for UTD, and realised that even though I'm in a slightly different place my number is not that much different and I too don't have a child at home.
ReplyDeleteBut I do know also what you say about your Ray. I know that Ciaran waited to come into my life until I was with my right person because of the 'lessons' I had to learn and the loss I had to endure, meaning the support I would need to survive. I couldn't have survived it without Shane.
love to you, Barb xxx
Will hold off on the string of profanity until you're sure, but I am sorry that this month is added to the dnp count. I do a similar one in my head, only it's how old the kids I thought I would have would be by now. (HOTKITIWHWBBN?) Currently, it's 12, 10, and a heartbreaking and very real 15 weeks.
ReplyDeleteBut I believe that the gifts that life will bring you will be so worth the wait- Ray sure has been.
Barb, hoping along with you.
ReplyDeleteBoo, hiss to rain and bad summers (we're having the worst one on record).
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping you're wrong but with you either way. xoxo
Girl, I feel your funk.
ReplyDeleteBut sometimes I think its better if its raining. Sometimes the sunshine feels like a open wound on days like these.
Nothing but hugs and hope coming your way from me this morning.
xo
HUGS FOR YOU MY FRIEND...and a x too!
ReplyDeleteOh Barb, why are those 'people' who control the universe not being nicer to us? Those bastards. Well I am np again this month. 7 down... How many more will it take? I wish we all knew the answers! Thinking of you my friend.
ReplyDeletexxx