I was practising a visualisation technique last night in bed. I relax and breathe deeply, I imagine a beam of light connecting me to the centre of the earth, I imagine a bubble in front of me and ground it to the earth too, I invite my baby-to-be to enter the bubble and see what happens. Until last night nothing has happened. I'm very easily distracted and often catch myself thinking about mundane day to day things.
I saw dark cascading rainbow lights behind my eyelids. It was beautiful. I relaxed and enjoyed the show.
I saw George as a young man. I couldn't see his face clearly but I knew it was George and told him I loved him and he was beautiful. He laughed and asked how I knew when I couldn't see his face. I told him I just knew. He was full of fun and joy whilst I was quite serious. He was just out of reach.
And then I noticed another much smaller boy hiding behind George and peeping out at me. He was scared to come to me, scared that I wouldn't keep him safe. I promised him and I promised George that this boy would be safe.
George laughed and ran, leapt and took flight and then shattered into millions of pieces. For a moment I felt horror and then I realised that he had just gone back to be with the elements of the universe. My son is made of star stuff.
I'm not sure if I was dreaming or this was a figment of my over active imagination but it was lovely and quite interesting.