Monday, 6 July 2009

Hormones 3 Barbara 0

I'm trying hard not to think of this cycle as a failure. It just didn't work.

I'm trying not to think of how much I wanted to be pregnant at a similar time to last year.

I don't know why I wanted this, every sensible bone in my body (little toe?) was screaming that it would be a bad baaad idea to be at a similar (one week behind) gestation on 20th October, one year from losing George. But still I wanted it.

I didn't think I would be recreating George's pregnancy, of course not, that would be impossible. But still I wanted it.

I'm deeply disappointed today. Why did anyone ever use that word to describe my loss of my son to me?

Tomorrow will be better.

Day 1.


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11 comments:

  1. Dani8196 July 2009 at 22:09

    I'm torn here between cursing up a storm and sending you the most loving and supportive vibes I've got. So I am doing the former in my head while sending you the latter. I am deeply disappointed for you, and know all about the wanting, good timing or bad. Wish I were there to take a long walk with you. Here's to a peaceful night's sleep and many, many better tomorrows starting with the next one. Love you, Barbara.

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  2. Michele6 July 2009 at 22:13

    So sorry... :( I was really hoping for a positive update. Sending warm thoughts and hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hope's Mama7 July 2009 at 00:56

    I'm so desperately sorry Barb. I can only imagine how much you want this, because I know how much I want it for you. Keep pushing forward. Tomorrow is Day 2. One step closer.
    Love you lots.

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  4. Anonymous7 July 2009 at 01:56

    Right now I'm so angry at the universe for it's unfairness I'm adding this to the big black hole thats swirling round me. Bitterly disappointed for you Barb, but at the same time, I swear I will be more positive tomorrow and those are the vibes I'll send your way instead.
    Hugs xxxx

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  5. Ya Chun7 July 2009 at 02:08

    I;ve stopped keeping track of hormones and my body vs my desires. My score is pretty easy, a big fat goose egg.

    fingers crossed for this cycle. Maybe your egg needs a pep talk!

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  6. Shanti Mama7 July 2009 at 02:31

    Oh Barbara... no words other than so sorry. Hugs.

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  7. Anonymous7 July 2009 at 07:41

    hormones, hormones, hormones...grrr

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  8. Carly Marie7 July 2009 at 13:25

    Sarah called me to tell me.

    We love you Barb.

    x

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  9. Amy7 July 2009 at 13:39

    I'm sorry. It is so damn hard each month when it does not happen. It gets more damning each time. Sending hugs and love.

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  10. Monica7 July 2009 at 15:24

    Hang in there, Barbara. ((hugs))!!

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  11. Rachael8 July 2009 at 10:55

    Oh Barb, you know I know how crappy this is. We have to keep believing.

    xxx

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