Undefeated

Lying in bed this morning with a cat snoring near my shoulder and another curled up at my side and my Poppet snoring not so gently next to me I had a sleepy vision of a little boy in blue pyjamas-with-feet climbing up on the stool Ray made me because our new bed is so high to get in on the morning snuggles. That was the word I heard this little boy saying. "Snuggles" as he launched himself at the bed.

And I felt utterly bereft.

I think internet should be on prescription for the lost and bereaved. I can't imagine how I would have got through the last 17 months without the support and gentle advice of this community. Thank you SO much for your words of support and encouragement.

I took a little pill this morning.

I'm not expecting a miracle cure by this afternoon. The only possible "cure" would be for me to wake up tomorrow morning to the sounds of my 14 month old son. For now all I'm hoping for is that the little pill doesn't make me feel sick.

But things have been piling up on me. A big steaming heap of pressure and stress. Some of it self inflicted (who isn't their own worst enemy?) but most of it circumstantial. Mum Worry Dad Worry Pain Grief Panic Depression Mum Worry Dad Worry Pain Grief Panic Depression...

No I'm not defeated and I haven't given up.

Round 47364960382: Barbara applies a flu.oxe.tine plaster to her broken heart for a while.