Monday, 31 May 2010

Fear

I had a little pink spotting last night and a flood of emotion swept me away to my pregnancy with George.

I have been trying so hard not to compare and contrast. Not to let the fear creep up on me too much. And failing miserably!

The spotting turned pale brown and stopped this morning and then came back and stopped again.

I know it's common and it's not the same as the bleeding I had before but I can't help but think, every time a little twinge feels the same, ooh is this it? Is that what caused it? Is it going to be the same?

I cried a bucket load of tears last night and Ray held my hand tightly.

"Why can't it be easy?"

Why does it have to be like this?"

Questions with no answers.

I am much calmer now. Still obsessively knicker checking. "Do you need to pee or are you going to check?"

I've been laughing. But I'm still afraid.



19 comments:

  1. i hope it's nothing to worry about.
    have you spoken to a doctor or midwife? they might be able to put your mind at rest.
    thinking of you xxx

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  2. It is going to be such a stressful road for a while. and the early days are full of such conflicting symptoms which does not help. thinking of you.

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  3. I must say that it will definitely be an anxious, nerve-wracking ride.... been there. Thinking of you, Barb.

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  4. I can't imagine the concern. Will be thinking of you, and hoping the fear subsides, and that all is well.

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  5. Oh Barb! I can so relate to your concerns. I had some spotting at 5 weeks with my girly-girl and was scanned~all was well and the Dr said it was probably related to implantation~can you get in for some reassurance? Fingers crossed for you guys and sending much love....
    xoxo

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  6. Hang on, honey- midwife visit tomorrow, and hopefully much reassurance along with it. I totally understand the fear and have everything crossed for you over here. Sending love and strength.

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  7. I wish I could tell you that it got easier.... I am 30 weeks now and still freaking out about lack of movement, etc. I won't be okay until I hold those babies in my arms, and I suspect you won't be either. Deep breaths....

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  8. thinking of you, barb. ((hugs))

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  9. I had spotting with Ciaran... he was a full term bub with a hassle free pregnancy... but oh I know the fear, and that was before I was a BLM. I get it Barb, but just try to ride the wave remembering that it is such a common thing witn no consequence.
    Thinking of you, praying for you, begging for you, hoping for you...

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  10. This certainly is not something you want to deal with right now, even if it is most likely normal. I hope all is well and that you can get some piece of mind soon.

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  11. Laughter is good. I have no other answers though, sorry. It is just hard - no ifs or buts about it.
    I'll keep sending love, support and luck your way.
    xoxo

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  12. i hope it is nothing too. i'm thinking of you. here in the states they sell an herbal blend called "welcome womb". supposedly you can take it during the first tri to help stop spotting. i don't know if you can order it where you are, or how effective it is, but it's maybe something you can look into. even if just for reassurance.

    yes. the spotting. i feel you. xo

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  13. Barb, I wish this would be easy for you.

    I have had a bleed with all of my pregnancies except for Christian.

    Thinking and praying for your and your tiny poppet xxxxx

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  14. I didn't bleed with any of my pregnancies. Though I constanly worried about it. Reading so many other mums experiences tell me its common though. Doesn't really help with the worrying though. I am thinking of you. I, too, wish it wasn't so hard.
    xx

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  15. Boo at the spotting...I hope the spotting does not recur..

    Am glad that you share such companionship with Ray, and that both of you are able to trickle down funny moments in this circus.

    Be good.

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  16. sending you an almighty hug Barb xx

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  17. Know exactly what that fear feels like. Wrote about it today. Battle it every second of the day.

    Praying for us all that we are not lost in the fear and are able to enjoy the miracle!
    xoxo

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  18. I hope that's the last you see of it. It is frightening!!

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  19. Oh hon... I'm sorry. I hope it stays gone!

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