Tuesday, 8 December 2009

Grrrr!

Can I ask you all to sign this Sands petition? It doesn't matter if you are in the UK or not. You can be anonymous, and/or leave a comment.

The UK gvt body NICE (National Institute for Clinical Excellence) seems to be advocating NOT encouraging parents to see their baby after his or her death

Briefly,
"The current wording in the quick reference guide, which is specifically aimed at policy makers and midwifery staff states: “Do not routinely encourage mothers of infants who are stillborn or die soon after birth to see and hold the dead infant.” This is very different from the statement in the Full Clinical Guideline which reads ”women should not be encouraged to hold their dead baby if they do not wish to.”
Can I take bets that they didn't talk to any babylost Mums or Dads about this?

This was the comment I left:
My son died and was born on 20/11/08. I was 20 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

At a distressing and confusing time, I was encouraged to see and cuddle my baby, to have photos, hand and footprints taken and most importantly to say goodbye.

I am extremely grateful for this support and encouragement from the kind and compassionate medical staff at Torbay hospital.

What a cruel thing to think that taking away my only chance to see my only child would somehow be better for me.

Is it to save money?

You can read more here.

Thank you friends.


23 comments:

  1. Going there now. That is HORRIBLE!!!

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  2. done! i wonder what the officially policy/wording here in the US is... sometimes i feel like i got "lucky" at my hospital.

    here is what i wrote: As the mother of a stillborn baby girl, having the choice to see, hold and say goodbye to my baby was tremendously helpful psychologically. It is imperative that this option be available to all parents. To deny them information and choices about their own child's body is highly reprehensible. If the child died of SIDS at home, of course they would want to hold and love their child in death. Cases of stillbirth are absolutely no different. Please do not hide this fundamental right from parents.

    xo

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  3. Heading there now- my single biggest regret is that I never held Kai or got to say goodbye face to face. I don't know what the hell these people are thinking.

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  4. Just did. Outrageous. Thanks for posting this, Barb. xo

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  5. Outrageous indeed. Been and done. You should get this posted on LFCA.
    xo

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  6. I signed with this:

    I may not be a UK citizen, but I am the mother to a son who was stillborn. I was given the chance to hold my son if I wanted to, and that time was so precious to me. It is all I have of him. I would hate to think someone else might be denied the same sort of memories.

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  7. I got the tweet earlier and had to see what this was about. I signed the petition as it just seemed that it was some forgotten detail for them to mention in the other guidelines.
    In the U.S, at one time it was thought that the mother could 'forget' and go on with their lives having not seen the baby. They found much wrong with this theory and changed the guidelines. Same should be done in that situation. My neighbor had a stillbirth nearly forty years ago and she never saw her child. I do believe it is much worse in the long run for someone who wants to see their baby to be denied...

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  8. That's horrible. I can't imagine not being told I could hold my son after he died. Part of the acceptance of his death came from holding him after he had passed away. These uninformed people have never lost a child, otherwise they wouldn't be advocating something so "wrong". Thanks for posting this Barb.

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  9. I signed.. we would never have forgive ourselves have we not danced and sang and cuddled our little girl!

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  10. I signed, thank you for sharing the link, **HUG**

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  11. Thanks for linking to this - hadn't been aware of it before. Have linked to it and signed too. Find it very hard to believe that the opportunity for that extremely important time with your child may not be given....

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  12. GRRR is right Barb! GRRR!! I signed the petition.
    My Aunt had a stillbirth in the early 1970s at 5 months and never held her son. She had very strong opinions about Tim and I and my parents holding Isla, and for a while actually convinced my step-father that we had made the wrong decision. She had him printing ridiculous studies of the internet and everything - not sure what the point was in even discussing such things after we had already held Isla, but anyway, my dad now regrets the things he said and even thought, because he cherishes the memories of seeing Isla.
    We don't really speak to my Aunt anymore. She's been very angry towards us and has behaved quite childishly and selfishly since Isla's death and birth, and I can't help but wonder how much of her behaviour stems from her own unresolved grief and regret for never seeing her first child.

    Thanks for posting. xoxo

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  13. thank you for posting this, i signed it. i think it is so important that women have time with their children. this should be encouraged!

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  14. I actually think the wording on the parent guide is the worst. Have signed.

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  15. Done.

    You know, I'm one of the few on here who actually chose to not hold our babies after their birth, although we did ask the nurses to take their photos and footprints and etc. I'm generally okay with that decision, and I would have been upset at the time had they pushed me to do so any harder than they did.

    But all that aside - I am so, so thankful to even have had the option. We were surrounded by a wonderful, caring staff who made it clear that it was absolutely up to us and, even after we declined to do so, they let us know that the option would remain open for a period of time. To have that freedom and that opportunity to try to process what was so unbelievable was quite a comfort and really validated the whole experience. I can't imagine not having that.

    Thanks for sharing.

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  16. Thanks for letting us know. I couldn't believe what I read... I will sign it right away. xx

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  17. I am just dumbfounded. I've signed the petition and will pass on the word. thanks for bringing this to light.

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  18. Wow, that is just unbelievable. I thought world wide that progress was being made, slow perhaps...but in the works -- nurses and doctors being taught about empathy and healthy greiving starting in the hospital.

    So much work left to do...so much.,

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  19. i signed and commented on the petition. thanks for sharing this.

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  20. I saw this and signed a few weeks ago. I can't believe that they would try and take away the only precious moments parents have with their children. I can't imagine all the (more) regrets I would have if I wasn't able to spend the day with my sweet girls. I really do hope this changes!! xx

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  21. I read this on Frustrated Fairy's blog and will put in my two cents - and will let my midwives know as well as they are from the UK but living in Canada. They'll likely know others. I can't imagine not holding my baby and would never want the medical staff to decide for me (as I've heard from older women here, just as Isla's Mummy said). Thanks so much for posting about it.

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