Getting the gloomy post out of the way before trying to find some festive spirit. (It's not all gloomy, there is a vaguely cheerful bit about meteors)

Well that is almost that.

2009 was officially the year of grief. The Year of Missing George.

And for me, as of today, 2009 is also officially The Year Of Not Getting Pregnant. TYONGP even though I doubt if I will ever use that acronym again and even though we have only been trying since April/May. This has been (half) a year of pretending hoping that we won't need any help to get pregnant. I still hope we don't but I don't have too much belief in that hope.

After putting off our 2nd appointment at the fertility clinic twice. We ARE going to see the fertile nurse near the end of January. I will find out if my ladyparts are far too old and dusty for these shenanigans or just need a little kick up the proverbial. Just a little kick please, maybe only a tiny poke? Pretty please?

We spent saturday and sunday nights getting neck ache watching the Geminids meteor shower in various non light polluted places around and about while freezing despite, for myself, two pairs of jeans, two hats, a scarf and three jumpers. A large flask of boiling water and tea bags are vital for this kind of adventure: actually they are vital for most types of car related adventures. I have yet to find a flask that holds just enough milk for two or three cups of tea (for me, Ray prefers his tea naked) but they are all too big. These things are important. Going out in the middle of the night with the one you love to look at meteors is important too. And romantic. Do it sometime if you haven't already. And yes, had George been here we sould have bundled him up and took him along.

I tried to imagine George in those tiny far off streaks of light but it just made me sad to think of his spark burning up in the atmosphere. Sad enough that when I managed to spill hot tea over myself I burst into tears. Or maybe that was the PMS. Probably the Pre Menstrual Not Pregnant Again Oh Shit Syndrome. Ah, PMNPAOSS, of course. Or as I wailed it at Ray, "I've got hormones!"

Why are early pregnancy symptoms so much like period-about-to-start symptoms? It's unfair and it should be stopped. Yes, for the second month in a row I was almost fooled for a couple of days. However this month I did manage to restrain myself from checking out how much co-sleeper cots were going for on ebay.