Little Days

It's a year today since we found out that our Little Poppet had died.

Still and tiny on the screen.

On the second it will be a year since Little Poppet was taken from my body.

A year since I lost hope.

I'm still trying to find it again but so often it seems just out of reach.

I miss the hope that Little Poppet gave us.

Very very much.

Words of love

I made a shiny for my Poppet's 40th birthday. Of course I stamped a (not very) secret message on the inside of the ring. It has five (slightly wonky) gold dots on it. I tried to think up a meaning for them and I came up with one for Ray, one for me, one for George, one for Little Poppet and one for hope, but really and truly there are five because three didn't look quite right!

I'm planning on making our wedding rings too... one day...

Five good things

There are still good things to be found, even when the why-me's strike.


This little space of mine, the ability to express myself and the gift of being understood.

Putting a smile on another face even though my own smile feels strained.

Kittehs.

Smelly candles.

Love.


Please join in: what good things found you this week?

I am angry

Angry, so angry that our son is missing out on his life.

Angry that our Little Poppet never had a chance.

Angry that we have no living children and want them so very badly.

Angry at the process that is destroying my father from within himself.

Angry that my Mother has to watch.

Angry that my brother doesn't seem to think that we are doing enough.

Angry at the torment that Ray has been enduring with his ears.

Anger at my powerlessness. 

Angry that it has taken me so long to feel this anger.


And now that's off my chest it's already dissipating. Mostly.


Thank you for "listening".