Little Days

It's a year today since we found out that our Little Poppet had died.

Still and tiny on the screen.

On the second it will be a year since Little Poppet was taken from my body.

A year since I lost hope.

I'm still trying to find it again but so often it seems just out of reach.

I miss the hope that Little Poppet gave us.

Very very much.

Words of love

I made a shiny for my Poppet's 40th birthday. Of course I stamped a (not very) secret message on the inside of the ring. It has five (slightly wonky) gold dots on it. I tried to think up a meaning for them and I came up with one for Ray, one for me, one for George, one for Little Poppet and one for hope, but really and truly there are five because three didn't look quite right!

I'm planning on making our wedding rings too... one day...

Five good things

There are still good things to be found, even when the why-me's strike.


This little space of mine, the ability to express myself and the gift of being understood.

Putting a smile on another face even though my own smile feels strained.

Kittehs.

Smelly candles.

Love.


Please join in: what good things found you this week?

I am angry

Angry, so angry that our son is missing out on his life.

Angry that our Little Poppet never had a chance.

Angry that we have no living children and want them so very badly.

Angry at the process that is destroying my father from within himself.

Angry that my Mother has to watch.

Angry that my brother doesn't seem to think that we are doing enough.

Angry at the torment that Ray has been enduring with his ears.

Anger at my powerlessness. 

Angry that it has taken me so long to feel this anger.


And now that's off my chest it's already dissipating. Mostly.


Thank you for "listening".

A floral tribute

I would send you all armfulls of scented roses if I could.

I took all the photos in the walled rose garden at Cockington Court not far from home. Ah I wish I could take you there. As you walk through the gate the scent of hundreds of roses and the bright colours assault your senses in the most delightful way.

Except this last sweetly scented rose
which has lived in our own garden since the day we buried our son.

Five good things

 Seeing a pretty jay in our garden: quite rare in these 'ere parts.

A lovely birthday lunch for my Mum on friday.

A delicious warm chocolate fudge brownie with chocolate sauce and vanilla ice-cream shared by Ray and me... er... I meant to take a photo of it before... we thought it might be a bit rude to lick the plate...

I found this little poppet (read the description, it made me smile and a bit sad) but I can't quite bring myself to buy it (yet) because a, I'm not a doll person, 2, it's a bit expensive and iii, I'm still not sure who I imagine Little Poppet to be. Or even what sex. But it's a sweet little good thing. Can you tell I spend far too long mindlessly surfing t'internets?

Cramps + code.ine = painless sleep. A bloody sodding good thing.


Please join in: What good things found you last week?

Five good things

It's been a while hasn't it? It's been rather intense around here lately but not in the way that we would like. More on that another day however, for today five good things.


Strawberries from the garden.

Sunshine and blue skies (for a few days).

Sparkly stones in the post.

Blooming roses.

Fitting into a pair of trousers that didn't fit last summer.



Please join in: what good things found you over the last week?